things that make me go hmm...

Since I'm moving, I may as well move

2008-06-03T15:45:00.002-05:00

Time to simplify life a little and get out of this blogger account that is tied to an email address I never use anymore. New blogs will be posted here.

Consider yourself invited to pop in on me at my new online home anytime!

Sometimes God gives you a sign. And sometimes, that sign is neon green. Also, green means GO.

2008-05-29T16:15:00.007-05:00

We're moving. Sometime between now and a year from now, my husband and I will pack up all our belongings and move to a place I always said I wouldn't want to live. My hair will be frizzy and I'm sure my allergies won't be any better but this is what God is telling us to do.

Rob said a few months ago something along the lines of "we're moving to Atlanta to start a new church, think about/pray about if you would like to join us". And I said "okay" because there's no harm in considering a possibility, right? And I prayed about it and thought about it and slowly my days and thoughts evolved into a position in which this move resonated with my core. I told God years ago that I would go wherever He wanted me to go and I would do whatever He wanted me to do. I really meant it. Until now, He hadn't drawn my heart towards anything.

Gradually, I began trying to warm Tim up to the idea. He thought he wanted to move to L.A. So I just told him to at least keep his mind and his heart open and pray about it. He said he would. Slowly, little signs came to us that tugged on our hearts together, telling us both that this was what we should do. Tim got a new phone and installed the GPS. It said his default location was Atlanta. Little things like that kept coming up, still he balked. I said, "have you prayed about it?" He said, "Yes." I said, "what does God say to your heart?" He said, "Move." I resisted the temptation to give him a V-8 slap on the head. I figure I'll just let God give him a metaphorical slap.

This is the part of my blog where you start to think I'm crazy. You have been warned. Oh, who am I kidding? If you've known me for any length of time, you already think I'm crazy. But in a nice way. I hope. Anyways...

I have a gift. My grandmother had this gift, she had visions of the future. She was spot on. I have this same gift. I see things in my dreams. I'm not saying I'm psychic but I think that God speaks to me through what I remember from my dreams. I've seen trivial things like who wins a reality TV show. I've seen important things, like an old friend's wife almost dying. I have not yet managed to see things like lottery numbers. (I wish!) One night, I saw the kitchen of Rob & Christina's new house in Georgia. I was sitting in the kitchen with Christina, discussing the repulsiveness of gelatin. But we were there. We weren't visiting. I woke up and I knew - I just KNEW. I told Tim we were moving, and I told him why. He's been through enough, "I had a weird dream about _____ last night" and then it coming true, he knows better than to doubt me.

As we plan our move, we have a few ducks to get in a row. One of them is what to do with my car. Right now it just sits, nobody drives it. It gets excellent mpg but it's too small to be a family car. So it just sits. I need to sell it. I am having a hard time with selling it. That car, "The Olive", is the very first car I have ever bought on my own. It is symbolic of my independence. It's the last piece of what was just mine before we became "we". Also, I don't know where the title is. It's in a box somewhere in storage, as yet unpacked from when we moved here a year ago. I really need to sell it. I really don't want to. I'm not trying to sell it. It has to go. See my inner turmoil here? So I prayed, "God, please show me what to do with my car because my will isn't to let it go."

And then yesterday, we arrived home from dinner to this on our front door:

You can't tell from the craptastic cell phone photo, but it's on a neon green post it note.

As you can probably imagine, I was stunned.

God speaks to people every day. He might be that gentle prodding in your heart to call an old friend or He might give you a peek into your future in a dream. He might not use a burning bush, but He will find a way to get your attention. Sometimes, he leaves you a little Post-It note.

I was out shopping this afternoon, when I came across this. Logically, it makes no sense to buy more knick-knacks when you're preparing to move but the sentiment meant too much to me. I couldn't leave it in the store. So for now it's on my living room wall, dispensing valuable advice.

Like I said, green means GO.

Crabby Tuesday!

2008-05-13T12:49:00.003-05:00

I suppose it's emotionally healthy to get all the stuff that bugs you out of your system...so here's my list for the week:

1) The price of gasoline as compared to the record setting profits the oil companies post. Seriously, is there nothing we can do about the racketeering involved here?

2) Bear hair. Let me explain. Bella's (our yellow lab) full name is Isabella. Isabella Heather, if you want to be specific. Tim's mom loves the name Heather, I'm not the biggest fan of it. As a preemptive strike, I used the name for our dog so we just couldn't use it for a baby. Heh heh heh. I's sneaky. Anyway, as Bella has grown up, the texture of her fur has changed everywhere, except her ears. On her ears, her fur is still soft and silky like her puppy fur and she feels like a teddy bear. So over the years, Bella became "Bella Bear" and now usually just "Bear". It is Bear shedding season. I have dog hair on my dog hair here - it's insane. I can't vacuum or dust enough to keep up with it. It's just everywhere! Argh! Darn Bear Hair!

3) Stupid Comcast. We have lived here for a year now, and over the course of that year I think Comcast has had to be out here in excess of a dozen times. Our cable goes out, or the sound goes out or our internet goes out (which means the phone goes out too...) this service is just totally worthless. I am praying that when we move Comcast won't be the provider of fine televised entertainment. I know we could switch to AT&T or Wow, but I had DSL at my old house & hated it and Wow's broadband speeds aren't as fast as Comcast's, which is important to have when Tim works from home. I had a Comcast guy out here again this morning, he was late, he tracked mud in the house, and he didn't fix it. He said he needed a "Level 3 technician" to come at another time. I'm about ready to have a Level 3 Conniption Fit over this. We're not building a better atom, people! It's just TV! *insert swear word of your own choosing here*

4) Slow builders. I was promised a new Whole Foods 2 miles away from this house when we looked at it before we moved in a year ago. WHERE IS IT???? Granted, it is finally a structure with signage but as long as I have to drive to Wheaton to go grocery shopping, I am not a happy camper.

Thank goodness Trader Joe's has a minuscule selection of organics. I picked up a 6 oz. pack of organic blackberries there today and they are fantastic. How many of these is a serving? *nosh* Who cares, they're delicious. Tim would love these. *nosh* Does anyone know how many carbs are in 6 oz. of blackberries? *nosh* I wish these came seedless like that watermelon I bought. *nosh* Oh, I am seriously not going to eat this entire package of berries, am I? *nosh* Yes, yes I am. At least it's only fruit.

Lust Friday!

2008-05-09T15:37:00.002-05:00

I like stuff. I like new stuff, I like good stuff, I like stuff that doesn't do things that my current stuff does. Here's my list of stuff that I am pondering procurement of this week:

1) The Topsy Turvy Hanging Tomato Basket. How amazing does this look? No more rotten tomatoes on the ground? Score! No more tomato baskets, stakes or tying? Sounds awesome! I am thisclose to ordering an "as seen on TV" thing. The last time I did this, (the Debbie Meyer Green Bags), I was so pleasantly surprised. Must. Control. Mouse. Finger. It doesn't help that I have my Visa number memorized, including the CVV number on the back. Does. Not. Help!

2) That $10 PedEgg thing. It's basically the best part of the pedicure, for $10. I saw it at Blood Bath and Beyond this week, and it's on the marquee outside my Walgreens. Plus, I have to go to The Wall to pick up my free 8 x 10 Mother's Day photo print. I'm pretty sure I'll be coming home with a picture and a PedEgg.

3) 98 cents/gallon gas to come back. Hey, a girl can dream right? I have seen $4/gallon gas in my community and it's sobering. In the meantime, at least I have GasBuddy to guide me to the best gas prices in the area.

What's that you say? It's LOVE THURSDAY? Yippee!

2008-05-08T09:29:00.003-05:00

It's been too long since I've done a Love Thursday post. Too, too long!

So, here's what I'm loving this week:

1) My pink hair. It's super fun. I'm so thrilled to be out of corporate America so I can finally do fun, funky things to my hair. Sometimes I forget I have pink hair and I find someone looking at me kind of funny and I think I must have something on my face. Nope! I have pink hair!

2) My cute husband. We dined out last night because we had too many errands to run after our Chiropractor appointments that I honestly didn't have time to also prepare a meal and clean up afterwards before bed time. So we were deciding where to go & I suggested Sweet Tomatoes, which just opened by us. And he said he didn't care for tomatoes that much. He thought all they had was food made out of tomatoes. Tomato pie, tomato kabobs, fried tomatoes, stewed tomatoes, tomato sandwiches...you get the picture. I laughed, promised him that there was more than tomatoes there and dragged him in. How can someone so brilliant be so silly? He cracks me up!

3) Gardening. I'm doing some container gardening on my back deck with some veggies in pots - and I have a strawberry pot too. Yum! On the front porch, I've got some moss baskets that I put together with impatiens, salvia, daisies and petunias. It looks so festive! My spring tulips are fading so it's almost time to put some annuals in the flowerbeds out front. Playing in the dirt is totally relaxing.

4) Drying clothes with the Power of Nature. I've been hanging stuff out to dry as often as possible - I asked for an actual clothesline for Mother's Day (and a new mandoline, a microplane box grater and a new salt pig) so I don't have to use drying racks. Jackson's last load of diapers was dried outside, and now all his diaper laundry is perfumed with fresh air, sunshine and the sweet lilacs blooming on the side of the house. Ah, perfection!

I think I'm going to bring Love Thursday back as a regular weekly installation. And I'm adding Lust Friday, when I list the stuff I'd love to have (on the list this week, that Ped Egg thing for sandal smooth heels). Maybe we'll add Crabby Tuesdays too, so I can vent about the stuff that drives me nuts! Like people who can't drive and talk at the same time, or people who use the express lane with clearly more than 10 items in their cart. :)

a boy and his dog

2008-05-08T00:14:00.003-05:00

He's so precious I could eat him up. Here's Moose with his stuffed yellow lab (he calls it his "Ella" because he can't pronounce the "B" in Bella's name) that I bought him when I was 9 weeks pregnant...

Sometimes I wonder, whatchu goin to be - a doctor, a general, maybe an MC...

2008-04-29T08:55:00.002-05:00

I love being a stay at home mom. I love spending all day with Jackson, and getting to know him. He is the most amazing person. He's grown into this charismatic, charming little guy. He knows just how to greet you with a darling "Hi!" that melts your heart. And it doesn't matter what he's doing at the time, it could be the most naughty and mischievous thing. But he pours on the charm, and with his coy little smile you completely forget about reprimanding him and just want to hug him.

I'll bet Bill Clinton was like that as a child.

All this makes me wonder who Jackson will grow up to be. We purposefully gave him a very strong, BAMFy name. Jackson Powers. The only name stronger is Shaft. Even at his baby dedication, our pastor held him and said, "He's going to be somebody important, I can feel it."

So who will he be when he grows up? I have no idea. But I think he's on the right track towards becoming a very handsome, sweet, kind, genuinely charming man.

Anything but a politician. That's all I ask.

Hi, my name is Felicia and I'm addicted to

2008-04-23T20:43:00.003-05:00

dying my hair funky colors. The purple was fading to a blue-gray (think the nice old lady down the block blue-gray) so it was time to do something. So something was done. Fun pinky-red bangs ensued:

I kind of love it. :)

That John Mayer, he may be on to something...

2008-04-18T13:26:00.001-05:00

"Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put ‘em in quotations"

So says John Mayer's song, "Say", which I am totally downloading onto my mp3 player later today. At different moments in time, there have been songs in the background that mark those moments as aural memories. "Say" is one of them, and yesterday I got to say what I needed to say.

You probably remember last Easter, when I made a decision in church and blogged about it. I decided to try, as best I could, to extend my mother the same grace and forgiveness that God gives us. This hasn't been easy, my friends! In the back of my head, I always thought that there would come a day, that despite my forgiving her (without her asking), that I would need to confront her about all the things that had fed my bitterness against her for so many years. There would be a day of reckoning, I told myself.

"Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead
If you could only
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say"

And slowly as days melted into months, my desire for a full-on confrontation waned. I decided that she didn't have to answer to me, she had to answer to God. Answering to me was petty compared to that.

And then Yesterday happened. It started like a hundred normal days before it, I went grocery shopping and was on my way home when she called. The conversation evolved and before I knew it, we had reached a point where I could say it - say it all. And she invited me to do so. In a completely non-confrontational manner, the floodgates were opened and there was no turning back.

"Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again"

I would say "it was on like Donkey Kong", mostly because that phrase cracks me up - but honestly, it wasn't like that. It was just me, saying how I felt and it was just her, listening. I think that I owed it to myself to say it, and she owed it to me to listen. In the end, she admitted that everything I said was true, and in between sobs, asked me to forgive her. I said I've been working on it.

My heart feels a million times lighter this morning. Saying what I needed to say was healing and validating.

I can't believe that I'm the only one who has carried a heavy heart over many years without ever having the purifying soul purging necessary to clear the air and settle things. If you suffer from this too, I hope some day you also have a Divinely provided moment to gently but firmly, say what you need to say. And if you don't or can't, I welcome you to say what you need to say here - lay your burden down, once and for all.

"Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say"

My rock of love

2008-04-17T22:42:00.002-05:00

Went to BDubs for dinner tonight - Tim decided to apply the Kiddie Menu temporary tattoos to his neck, a la Daisy. (He's a dork, but he's my dork and I love him).

We're casual dating whores

2008-04-14T21:47:00.002-05:00

Our contract with our wireless provider has expired. Oddly enough, recently both of our phones died untimely deaths. Could it be that the lifespan of equipment is built so the equipment expires just in time for you to renew your vows to your wireless company?

Luckily for us, we have the insurance on our phones. We're both PDA people. I'm a Treo girl and Tim wields a Pocket PC. Our phones would cost us $600 a piece to replace out of pocket without a new contract discount. We thought the insurance would be a smart move. :)

So we called and asked for help with our phones-turned-bricks and lo and behold, our phones aren't made anymore! We are obsolete, technology has passed us by. The only replacement available to us was...a free upgrade. Woe is me. Ha ha!

So now we eagerly await receipt of our new phones (a 755P for me and Mogul/6800 for Tim) and don't really know what to do about our contract. It seems that for the time being, we can enjoy our really great contract pricing that has gone up since 2 years ago on a month to month basis with brand new phones. We don't have to get married to a wireless company, we can kind of casually date around and go from store to store just to see what's out there. If we find something that seems like a BBD (bigger, better deal) than what we have now, we can walk away from...oh, I won't want to name names so we'll just call our wireless carrier Berizon. If we see something that looks better, we can drop Berizon like a hot potato. It's like being a free agent, or being single again.

So, other wireless carriers, it's time to sex it up a bit and seduce me with an offer I can't refuse. Something along the lines of 1500 minutes family plan for $70 sounds good. Throw in a reasonably priced data plan at lightening fast broadband speeds and I'm ready to enter into a long term relationship with you.

But only for 2 years.

Why buy the cow and pay $7 a gallon for the milk when you can get it at White Hen for $2.49?

2008-04-14T21:38:00.003-05:00

We are now the proud shareholders in an Amish dairy herd in Middlebury, IN. Our shareholdership entitles us to buy fresh raw milk for our family. We couldn't be more excited!

Raw milk is SO much better for you than pasteurized milk. We made the switch last week and everybody in the house loves the new milk, Moose included.

Since it's Amish milk, it's organic but not certified because the farmers don't have the financial investment required to be certified. But these are people who sow their fields with those horse-drawn tiller things. They're not using chemicals on their land. The dairy cows roam free, grazing on fresh pasture each day.

Since dairy farming is not very profitable, we're supporting our farm with a fair price for the extra work required to keep the cows healthy and the farm clean to support safe raw milk. In turn, we get the extra nutrients in superior milk. It's a win/win situation for all!

She bangs, she bangs...

2008-04-09T15:48:00.007-05:00

I got a quick little haircut while on vacation. All I needed was a little trim to keep everything looking fresh, I wasn't changing my style. Or so I thought...

When she got to my bangs, the stylist asked me if I'm growing them out or if I wanted them trimmed. Ah, the eternal question that has never been answered. I grow them out, hate them, cut them back, grow them out...the cycle perpetuates on forever. I said, I didn't know and asked what the "in" thing was with bangs? Are people wearing bangs? Are they going for a less bangy look? She said the in thing was long, sweepy bangs. I said, "I can rock long sweepy bangs. Do it." Ha ha. How cocky am I? *laughs at self*

It seems I actually CAN rock long sweepy bangs and furthermore, I rather like them. So then I decided to upgrade them by making them...purple. Well, according to the jar it's "Ultra-Violet" and to me it looks like it should be called "Marge Simpson".

Behold, the Margification of my new long sweepy bangs:

Me, trying to look fierce because I feel tough with my new punk rock hair. Remind me to start saving up for Botox if I insist on taking pictures using this facial expression, though.

The overall effect of new cut and new bangs with fun swipe of new color:

And no, I could not resist the temptation to go all matchy-matchy with my eyeliner today. I'll try again tomorrow but my everyday color is a shade of pruney plum anyways...today is Styli-Style Line & Seal in Tanzanite and it's nearly an exact match with the hair! So fun!

I'm just dying for someone to walk up to me and say, "Dude, you have purple hair!" I will give them my best ORLY? face.

The Army has a flat tire

2008-04-07T09:37:00.002-05:00

Now that I'm home, I can blog about vacation goings-on. And I'll probably do this in reverse chronological order, because the stuff that happened last is the stuff freshest in my mind.

On the way home yesterday, we were driving through the expansive wasteland that is central Indiana when we came to a screeching halt. Literally. I thought we were going to get rear ended because when the speed limit is 70 and it's sunny and clear, nobody expects to have to stop in the middle of I-65.

As we rolled past the delay, I saw them. Servicemen and women, in camo, setting up flares around their convoy. One of their huge trucks had suffered a blow out and they were stranded on the side of the road.

Now I've always said that I support our troops but I do NOT support the war. I firmly believe that the two aren't mutually exclusive. I do love my country. I do, I really do. But I hate Bush and I hate the status quo and I hate political and corporate corruption. But I support our troops, with my whole heart I do and I know I could never be a military wife or serve myself. However, I didn't expect the deep visceral reaction I had when I saw the unit stranded. Tears sprang up in my eyes and all I could think was "Better here than Baghdad."

Yesterday, CNN.com reported more troops in Iraq dead and wounded. Everyday, some body's son or daughter or husband or wife or father or mother is hurt or killed...and for WHAT? Don't we have enough problems here in our own country to take care of? We can get on with policing the rest of the world when we get our own stuff straight and manage to perfect a Utopian society. Until then, bring the troops home. The Army has a flat tire - literally and metaphorically. It's time to change it.

You know it was a good vacation when...

2008-04-06T16:37:00.004-05:00

...you get home and you're like "WHEW! I'm so glad to be back!" :D Which is exactly how we feel.

We took Moose and the Girls to Nana's beach house in Myrtle Beach, SC for a week and a half. Which is totally not my ideal vacation destination, but it's ocean front so who am I to complain? We frolicked in the ocean, ate calabash shrimp, took the girls to the ocean, saw a jellyfish, shopped, took Moose to a Japanese steakhouse and spent some time gloriously lazing about doing nothing. My favorite night? The one I spent on the deck with a glass of Pinot Grigio and an Acid Blue Blondie. Ahhh, life is good.

Photos are posted here on Facebook, with more forthcoming.

Protection

2008-03-17T09:04:00.002-05:00

I've learned that our dogs are exceedingly protective of me. It's really sweet. When Tim was gone, the girls staggered themselves around the house at night for maximum guard dog effectiveness. Bella slept on the top back of the couch (imagine an 85 lb. dog sleeping like a cat across the back of the sofa) with her head poked through the front curtains to watch. Katie slept on the landing of the stairs, ready to provide a second line of defense in case of intruders. They usually snooze on the couches. Bella usually sleeps on her back, paws up, as if she were a person. (A person with paws, anyway). It was really precious to see how they altered their habits while Daddy was gone. It made me feel safer. They are both the friendliest dogs ever, and if anybody ever did break in they would probably kiss them to death, but they stepped up and guarded us while we were alone without The Man of the House.

They are still looking out for me, too. Last night I was coming downstairs to turn down the thermostat. I was melting in my sleep! I hit the stairs wrong, half asleep with greasy feet (you know how they say to put lotion on your feet at night & then sleep in cotton socks? I'm convinced the cotton socks are to keep you from falling on your rear if you get up in the middle of the night) and took a tumble. My left arm got wrenched behind me and I rolled down the stairs to the landing. Bella woke with a start, she was immediately on high alert. She let out one quiet bark - "Woof!" as if to say, "Dad!" When there was no response, she barked again - only once, and a little louder, "WOOF!" "DAD!" Both girls ran to my side and started licking my skinned knees and elbows. Tim heard the commotion and came into the hall. I had him go shut the damn thermostat off, then arose on wobbly legs (the girls stood by my side, offering their strong shoulders as support) and headed back up to bed. Katie then decided she would sleep close to me to take care of me, so she spent the rest of the night upstairs with me.

When I awoke this morning, I found out that I hurt myself worse than I thought I did when I was half asleep during the night. I pulled my shoulder, hit my elbow, jammed my wrist, bruised my butt and hit my head. I'm a wreck today. I think it will be a pajama day at home.

Thank God I have the dogs to take care of me!

swoon My Hero!

2008-03-16T00:59:00.002-05:00

I was on my way upstairs to get Jackson in bed, carrying my bag, Jackson's ba-ba bag (the little cooler bag we put an ice pack in and several milkies for him to have throughout the night), a shopping tote and probably five other things (classic mom/packmule situation) when my bluetooth headset fell out of my bag.

Let's backtrack on the headset. I know, I'm a princess. Blah blah blah. Whatever. Anyway, for Christmas I got a new Jawbone bluetooth headset. It's awesome. I love it. It looks like a cheese grater in my ear. It's fantastic, I highly recommend it. Anyway, it's kind of a pricey headset and I guard it like it's a national treasure. I like nice things, and I also try to take care of them. Especially electronics. My dad was what they call now an "early adopter" and he always had to have the latest and greatest gadgetry. And he would freak out if we used the wrong cleaning spray to dust his new whatever it was off, or if you vacuumed while the TV was on (allegedly it was bad for the TV?) because those expensive electronic toys were like his pets. So you see, my love for new things that light up and make noise is a genetic code in my DNA.

So my headset falls out of my bag (I call it my shark tooth, because it's a bluetooth and the name "jawbone" makes me think of Jaws and he was a shark), Bella sees it and in her peabrain doggie head says, "Ooh a snack!" and promptly takes it through the doggie door to her backyard. At this point I freaking lost it. I am totally feeling massive stress and pressure with this talking in front of church thing. My mom's coming. She's chronically late. Like it's a medical diagnosis for her, Chronicus Tardius. I have to look up the CPT code for ya. Anyways, I am sure that she will be late and then will be mad that we proceeded without her, and then she will get all huffy and yelly and this will look horrible in our new church that we've only been going to for a few months, but we really and truly love it there but I will be SHAMED from every going back after this ugly scene that plays out in my head... And then there's the talking in front of the entire church on stage under the spotlight. Tim sucks at public speaking so the duty has fallen upon me. I used to rock speeches and performances, but they were not nearly as important and ceremonial as my firstborn son's baby dedication in which we will thank God for the honor of having been entrusted with his precious soul and we will pledge before our family and church community to do everything we can to be Godly parents and raise a fine and upstanding Christian man. So the pressure, the pressure...the stress, the strain the pressure and then the dog takes my shark tooth out to the backyard and I. LOSE. IT.

I am all hysterical and weepy and panicky and can't breathe or think or move or do anything but just crumple down into a heap and cry. I'm so pathetic right now. But seriously, first it was the eyeliner and now I'm stressing about memorizing my Bible verses that I want to use for the baby dedication, and worrying about the Chronicus Tardiusness...and I'm like Tweek on South Park....it's TOO MUCH PRESSURE!

Tim comes downstairs and asks me what's wrong and I'm all "I dropped my shark tooth (jagged cry/wail/inhale) and Bella (cry) took it outside (hyperventilate) and it's dark (weep) and I can't (hyperventilate) find it and (wail) it's off (almost scream) so I can't see the light!!!!!!!"

And he grabs his wallet and puts it in his pocket.

And I say, "How is THAT going to help you find it???" He says he's going to Osco to buy a flashlight.

Oh.

Well, that's a good idea.

I slowly start breathing again. And as he heads out the door, I blurt out, "don't forget batteries!" You know, because at this point somehow I have my stuff together more than he does - me the blathering idiot, compared to his collected cool. Ha. He says, "okay".

Five minutes later, he returns and after a fruitful search of the yard he recovered my very mangled shark tooth. The earbud part has been snapped off the part that looks like a cheese grater and I am just so very sad. I really loved my shark tooth.

I sat with it and somehow figured out how to snap the earbud part back into the cheese grater part. I pressed the button, it powered on. I scream, "HOLY CRAP!" from upstairs and Tim comes running...thinking I was having some kind of meltdown again, I suppose. I showed him the blinking light, we made some test calls and voila - just like that - my shark tooth is all better!!!!!

Yay, yippee, hooray!!!! My husband is the most awesome, sweet, mellow and easygoing creature. He is totally the yin to my yang and tonight he was my super rockstar hero.

I told Jackson that if he grows up to be half as wonderful as his father is, I will consider my mothering him to be the success of my life.

Vixen Hunter

2008-03-15T22:59:00.002-05:00

My most favoritest eyeliner in the whole world is Revlon Colorstay #205, called "Vixen". This morning, I got to the end of my tube. About a year ago, Coupon Chris scored some BOGO (buy one, get one free) with a coupon that ended up making it BNGT (buy none, get two free - the holy grail of couponing). Chris barely ever wears makeup but she knows I am totally the Queen of Cosmetics so she got me 2 of my favorite eyeliners. They're gone. I wear it almost every day. It's the best color in the world.

Tomorrow is Jackson's baby dedication at church and I was FREAKING OUT about not having my tried and true, trusty perfect eyeliner shade to wear while I stood on stage at church and talked to the hundreds of people.

So we popped in to Target to grab one. They were sold out. I needed some Rescue Remedy. Asking me to go without eyeliner is like asking me to go...naked or something. Tim sees my fright and says, "Meijer is open 24 hours." (It was 10 pm). I breathe a sigh of relief and we go across the street. I'm in the aisle at Meijer, looking at every Revlon Colorstay eyeliner...black, charcoal, brown, blackberry, navy...no Vixen. WHAT??? NO VIXEN????!!!!!111!!! So then I go by number...202, 204, 205...wait. 205 isn't Vixen anymore, 205 is now "Blackberry". Whatever.

If they changed the actual color, my life will be OVER. Okay, that was a little melodramatic but seriously...I've been wearing that same color since it came out, at least for 10 years. It, unlike Beyonce's exboyfriend whose stuff is to the left to the left, is irreplaceable.

Women are amazing...

2008-03-11T18:47:00.002-05:00

...of course, you already know this. But here's something you'd never get a dude to do!

Worth a thousand words...

2008-03-10T16:12:00.002-05:00

Yet another scandal in government, no big shocker there. What struck me about the article on CNN.com was the photo accompanying it.

His face says either, "I really screwed the pooch on this one." or "I'm sorry I got caught."

His wife's face says, "How could you? I am so broken and betrayed. You slimy greaseball of a man. I can't believe I have to stand by your side for this crap. I deserve better."

My heart is all kinds of sad for her.

An Open Letter, to the Cat in Heat in my backyard.

2008-03-08T23:32:00.002-06:00

Dear Cat,

I have 2 dogs, not cats. And they are girls. So they will not come out to jump your bones anytime tonight, or any other night for that matter. Please shut up.

I will let them out so they can scare you from here to Rte. 59 if you don't can it. But seriously dude, people are sleeping or trying to sleep here, and you are making too much stinking noise. I'm sorry you're not getting any hot loving. I can't help you out, so please stop making such a racket in my yard. Thank you.

The deals mamas make

2008-03-07T13:46:00.002-06:00

We have struck a deal with a couple who go to the same church as us and are in our local AP group - we're going to trade off babysitting favors for each other so we can both enjoy couples night out every now and again. Their little guy is 9 mos or so and is scooting/crawling. Naturally, I'm concerned about having the floors super clean so he doesn't end up going home looking all yucky.

I call my friend to confirm what time they are dropping the baby off, and express my panic at how I'm struggling to clean while trying to keep Jackson down for his nap. I usually lay down with him and this helps him stay asleep. I said, "Well, I'm freaking out because I want the floor perfectly clean because Isaac is crawling." She says, "Oh, please don't make your floor perfectly clean because then mine has to be perfectly clean when we watch Jackson!"

Ha ha ha. It's a deal. ;)

The Business of Being Born

2008-03-05T11:02:00.003-06:00

The Business of Being Born is a new documentary film that was executive produced by Ricki Lake. It explores how birthing trends in America have changed over the years, and how our birth process differs from every other developed nation in the world, with a much higher infant and maternal mortality rate. After experiencing my own intervention-addled labor and eventual emergency cesarean section delivery with Jackson, I was sure I wanted to see the film. I was also sure I wanted to see it without the distraction of Jackson being around. I'm also pretty sure that Tim didn't really want to see an hour and a half of awesome vaginas, so I figured I'd better watch it while he's away. I ended up watching it with Jackson this morning.

I will be honest - there were moments that made me tear up. Pretty much every time a mother pushed out a baby on her own then gloriously lifted her baby up into her arms, a look of blended triumph, amazement and elation on her face...I cried. I cried thinking, "that's what I want." And then I cried more thinking, "I may never get to have that."

In shock, I listened as various doctors and midwives shared the statistics of birthing practices around the world. The US is so backwards when it comes to how we give birth. Then slowly, anger rose in me as they described the multiple interventions that cascade one into another and eventually result in an emergency section. I have been suspecting that I may have been a victim of the system, and hearing this information confirmed it.

I left the experience of the film steeled with a new determination to find a midwifery based practice who will take a VBAC with primary diabetes. I feel that based on the evidence I can produce of my first birth - my perfectly controlled blood sugars all verified by lab work, my perfectly sized baby, unheard of in diabetic mothers - I feel that if I can diminish the fact that I am diabetic since I am so well controlled it is almost a non-issue in my pregnancy, maybe I can sweet talk someone to take me if I also do parallel traditional "high risk" prenatal care. I won't put either me or our next baby (whenever we decide to start trying for next baby, which is not yet) at undue risk. I just want to have the opportunity to give my body the chance to do what it was designed to do. I'm not saying I have to have a natural birth. I just want a chance. Hopefully I can find a practice who is willing to give me that chance.

I also left the film experience reduced to tears, both mourning the loss of the birth that I wanted for Jackson afresh and also rejoicing in the amazing little person he has become despite of it. In the end, I was glad he was here when I watched the movie. I needed to hug him. I signed to him "hug mama" and he ran across the room to me, wrapping me in one of his passionately sweet embraces - he hugs you so hard, he trembles. We call it a "shakey hug". Of course, this made me cry all the more, and being the wonderful and precious, sensitive and loving little guy that he is, he then covered my face with his sweet baby kisses, adding an emphatic "Mwah!" with each slobbery peck to my tear-soaked cheeks. Like I said, he's become an amazing little person.

The Business of Being Born is currently in limited release in theaters; and available for home viewing from Netflix on DVD or streaming on demand.

Magic cleaning solution...

2008-03-04T23:42:00.000-06:00

Mom spit can get almost anything off a child's face...

Enter the ICHC online Poker Cats Contest!

While the Cat's away, the Mouse will...

2008-03-04T18:21:00.002-06:00

Redecorate! Found a fab deal on this bedding set, which included a bed skirt, comforter, 2 Euro shams, 2 King shams AND two decorative pillows for $80 at the Bullseye Boutique. Hooray! I am SO in love with the color combo of slate blue and chocolate brown right now!

Reason #6,328,313 why I love cloth diapers

2008-03-04T14:05:00.003-06:00

Sweaterbutt pants as a wool cover over a plain old fashioned prefold diaper. (I use a Snappi to close the diaper, no pins for me!) I mean, how cute are these woolies? I made them, or rather repurposed them out of an old wool/angora sweater that I picked up for $2.50 at Goodwill, using this method.

Reason #6,328,312 why I love cloth diapers

2008-03-03T10:35:00.002-06:00

Pampers can't touch this in terms of cuteness!

Made me LOLz

2008-02-28T11:40:00.000-06:00

Enter the ICHC online Poker Cats Contest!

You go, Cat. Yes, we can.

A week of temporary single motherhood

2008-02-28T09:45:00.004-06:00

Hubster has been called upon to serve a tour of duty in Westmont, NJ for work, lasting a week. (This is in the part of New Jersey that wants to be Philadelphia. There are three parts of New Jersey. The part that wants to be Philly, the part that is AC, and the part that wants to be New York.) He departed yesterday morning and will be gone until Wednesday night.

Can I just tell you, that being a single mom SUCKS? Thank God I don't have to work a real paying job like real life single moms do. I couldn't hack it. Phat mad props to the real single moms out there, you ladies are amazing. That being said, I will now commence to whine and moan about my week thus far.

Jackson is an 11 am pooper. Once a day, around 11, he becomes Captain Stinky McPoopypants. Like clockwork. No big deal. It's reliable, I kind of like it. I know that with his 2nd diaper change, I put a flushable liner in his diaper and that helps me wrangle the turds that will soon appear. This is true for every single day, except yesterday. Yesterday there was an 11 am poop. And a 2 pm poop. And then, for good measure, a 8 pm poop. You know, just because he wasn't sure if I had seen enough baby poop that day. Needless to say, I was not pleased.

And then there's the talking and explaining. He asks me, "Durka durka la Dada?" and I know he is asking where his father is. I try to explain that Daddy had to take a trip and he will be back in seven sleeps. As you may guess, this is a difficult concept for a 17 month old to grasp (this is when we all together gasp and say, "Holy cow, he's almost a year and a half already????!!!!!!).

Besides helping out with Jackson when I need to go to the bathroom, cook dinner or do the dishes, Daddy fulfills many other important roles. For example, some nights Jackson wants to snuggle in Mommy's chest pillows to fall asleep, and sometimes he wants to snuggle into Daddy's fur. Daddy is the official purveyor of fine bathing expeditions in our house. Tim chose bathtime as his part of our bedtime routine back about 13 months ago (when we started having a bedtime routine). He has mastered the delicate balance of bubble bath to water ratio, knows which duckies are the preferred ones and has really polished his Bathketball 3 point shot to perfection. Dada is also in charge of all shoulder rides/swinging around/swinging upside down/swinging the baby in the air and give Mommy a heart attack maneuvers. I don't do upside down. Just...no. I wear him on my back and that's about it. He's 30 pounds. There is no indoor gymnastics going on here.

So...how will this week end? Will Mommy keep her sanity? Will the dishes ever get done? Who will take the trash out next Tuesday night? Can Jackson survive an entire week without being tossed into the air or going on a shoulder ride? Will Mommy suck at Bathketball, or will it be nothing but net? To find out all this and more, stay tuned...

You say it's your birthday...

2008-02-26T15:00:00.002-06:00

Celebrating You

for Jaylo.

I remember way back when,
About 4 years ago
I was trying to escape Chicago for LA
But was delayed for snow.

Stuck in O'Hare with a carry on and a phone
We talked for hours while my plane was delayed
Conversation came so easily
I almost wished I could have stayed.

A week later we met for dinner
Over sub-par mole, tequila and lime
You captured a piece of my heart *
My spirit woke up for the very first time.

I drove home feeling like I could fly,
All of a sudden life was fresh and new
You always draw out the best parts of me
So today I celebrate you.

You gave me permission
To reach for what I wanted
To demand better
To dream bigger than I ever had before.

You made me believe
That I was beautiful
That I was brilliant
That I was amazing and that I deserved more.

You let me cut loose in every way,
We did the Momo and drove the bus
I love that these words mean nothing
To anybody but us.

As I grew, I changed directions
I know that today isn't at all what we planned,
You're across the country and
I'm blissful with another man.

Yet you are the one who made me believe
That all my dreams can come true
And since today is the day you were born,
Today I celebrate you.

* this is some prime, high-end real estate, Pal. And once you become tenant, that studio apartment is yours for life. You can never be evicted. Happy Birthday. May this year be your best ever. I wish you every happiness life has to offer - you deserve it!

The Obamamobile is ready to rock and roll!

2008-02-22T10:07:00.003-06:00

I got Tim's permission for not only one, but TWO stickers and he even helped put them on!

I took some cell phone pics this morning of our Obamamobile:

Si se puede

2008-02-21T14:12:00.002-06:00

I'm pretty sure everyone in the world has seen this by now, but in case you haven't - or in case you'd like to see it again, here is will.i.am's "Yes We Can" Obama Video.

If this doesn't inspire you, the part of your heart where Patriotism used to reside is dead.

It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation.

Yes we can.

It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail toward freedom.

Yes we can.

It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness.

Yes we can.

It was the call of workers who organized; women who reached for the ballots; a President who chose the moon as our new frontier; and a King who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the Promised Land.

Yes we can to justice and equality.

Yes we can to opportunity and prosperity.

Yes we can heal this nation.

Yes we can repair this world.

Yes we can.

We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change.

We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics...they will only grow louder and more dissonant. We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope.

But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.

Now the hopes of the little girl who goes to a crumbling school in Dillon are the same as the dreams of the boy who learns on the streets of LA; we will remember that there is something happening in America; that we are not as divided as our politics suggests; that we are one people; we are one nation; and together, we will begin the next great chapter in the American story with three words that will ring from coast to coast; from sea to shining sea --

Yes. We. Can.

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter, raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise anotha

2008-02-18T22:49:00.006-06:00

This Friday we packed up the whole family (puppies included) and trekked out to Amish Country, Indiana. We stayed in a pet-friendly hotel in Shipshewana and had a lovely weekend of relaxing and doing...really, nothing. Which is the beauty of vacation to Amishland, there is nothing to do there, nowhere you have to be, no schedules, no rush...you just b-r-e-a-t-h-e and be still. You can open your windows at night and hear the clip-clop of horse drawn buggies traveling down the road, as you sit and read or knit or sip cocoa and just CHILL.

Amishland is my Happy Place. The pace is slow and easy, the people are genuine, the food is amazing. There is homemade noodles, like you've never had anywhere before and this peanut butter spread that I'm sure my endocrinologist wouldn't be too pleased to hear I had and the PIE. Oh, the pie. More pies than Bakers Square, all homemade and wonderful. There's lots of great shopping to be had, lots of artisan shops and of course beautiful quilts.

And there are farms. Miles and miles of farms. So naturally, I thought we're going to Amishland, surely I would be able to find some Amish milk while we're out there. We buy Jackson Amish non-homogenized organic whole milk. Lots of reasons, but he prefers it so much now and it's not that much more expensive than Horizon Organics or Organic Valley (the factory farms of organic dairy - don't get me started!) We went to every store in Amishland in our quest for Moose's milkies. None. Not even any organic milk to be had! We ended up having to drive over 1/2 hour away into "town" to a health food store, where we bought the same brand of milk we buy here at Whole Foods. It's from the Kalona Amish Farms in Kalona, Iowa. I was pretty irritated that I couldn't find any good milk! I was ready to walk up to an Amish house & knock and ask if I could have some milk. I only needed about a quart, sheesh. Such milk drama!

The Girls did great on their trip out there and back. They napped in the back of the Jeep, and we timed our travel to coincide with Moose's naptime so he snoozed too. We drove out on Friday, enjoyed a fab Amish dinner at Das Dutchman Essenhaus Friday night, spent Saturday shopping for handcrafted wooden toys, organic pastured humanely raised and euthanized Amish meat and other Amish yummies, and went into "town" for milk and dinner. Sunday, everything is pretty much closed so we drove into the "town" that was the other direction because they have a Sonic there. You know I had to get my cheese tots and cream slush on, yo. Then today we took a leisurely pace returning home, stopping to rescue a lost dog on the way home. We had Chiropractor appointments this afternoon, then we went to do a little grocery shopping and we're all back home now, well adjusted all around.

Last night I snapped a few camera phone pics of Jackson after he fell asleep. I call this one, "Surrender to Slumber"

And here he is from another angle. So tiny, precious and sweet! I just want to eat him up! But that would be mean.

Apparently, he has things to say...

2008-02-09T23:40:00.001-06:00

I love this photo that Carrie took at one of our playgroups. Check out the Donald Trump combover...is he telling me I'm fired? :)

Put a fork in her, she's done!

2008-02-09T23:32:00.000-06:00

SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP! Chanting this takes me back to state competition in high school. We knew how to clean up the 1st place awards.

But I digress...The Big O swept all the states in primaries/caucuses today, by very decent margins. Recent polls show that Obama is the most viable candidate in a face off with McCain (no big shocker there!).

Just in time for...nothing - our Obama for President yard sign arrived in the mail yesterday. Thanks! Backorders suck. A major triumph - Hubster is going to let me put an Obama bumper sticker on the Jeep! You must understand, the Jeep is his Golden Calf and the only sticker on it is the one required by the state. Car sticker permission is HUGE! I "said" we could remove it with Goo Gone after the election, but I really have no intention of doing so. (Shh!)

We had a lovely, quiet family day around the house today. Everybody got a really nice afternoon nap in too. And...life is good. :)

It's A Beautiful Day...

2008-02-06T15:06:00.000-06:00

What a SUPER Super Tuesday it was for us. Even in the states that Hillary took, it wasn't by a large margin. More states chose change.

Take The Pledge!

2008-01-30T15:07:00.000-06:00

It's time to "Pledge to Pick the Prez". I just did! By pledging you are not aligning yourself with any candidate. You're simply saying,

"I pledge to vote. I've had enough of politicians making decisions without our input - this year, WE'RE PICKING THE PRESIDENT!"

On a related note, my hat is off to Senator John and his wife Elizabeth Edwards for running an honest, upstanding campaign. May they be blessed as they continue to find ways to make America a better place for all of us. You were a worthy contender, Senator. The Obama camp awaits your endorsement, and I personally think you would make a lovely running mate for Obama as his Veep. I'm just sayin'.

W00T!!!!!!11!!!

2008-01-27T01:13:00.000-06:00

that is all.

Pins and needles, needles and pins...

2008-01-26T17:27:00.001-06:00

I'm eagerly awaiting the SC polls closing, and some vote tallies. I'm so anxious to see how The Big O did in SC!

Scratch that last post. Except I did mean what I said. New post:

2008-01-19T21:52:00.000-06:00

Dear Hillary,

It's not a win if you still end up with less delegates.

Love,
Me

Primary Colors

2008-01-19T17:21:00.000-06:00

Please don't make me vote for Mr. Mormon Man. His plan for Iraq is basically to let the war go on forever.

There is no way in hell I'd ever vote for Hillary. No way. The woman can't even control her own husband, how would she possibly ever run our nation? You have to be able to keep your own house clean before I let you run the White House.

I need some massive landslide primaries for Obama, or I need a Republican candidate that doesn't make me stabby.

Guliani? 9/11 is over, and you should be too. Go back to your cousinwife. You can wear a dress if you want, I don't care.

I don't heart Huckabee. I know, Evangelicals love him, but I don't. He opposes abortion rights. I'm pro-choice. I don't believe that abortion will ever be the choice for me, but I also don't believe it's my job to tell someone that it's not their right to choose. As Salt n' Pepa said so eloquently, "There's only one true Judge, and that's God, so chill and let my Father do His job."

John McCain can't even comb his own hair, for Pete's sake. There is no way he could actually be the Leader of the Free World. God bless him for his years of faithful service to his country and all that, but I think it's time for him to hang it up and start doing Viagra commercials.

Ron Paul is a joke.

So that means, there are no viable Republican candidates for me. If Hillary wins the Democratic nomination, that will leave me NO ONE TO VOTE FOR. The thought alone brings tears to my eyes...

Rêve de mon coeur

2008-01-18T20:38:00.000-06:00

Precious chubby cheeks
that demand my kiss

Carmel colored silken
corkscrew curls,

Velvet tender sweet
soft skin,

Miniature hands, perfect toes,
mile long lashes, tiny nose

Crystalline hazel pools of light
gazing back at me,

You are my perfect gift
from above

You are a lifetime of wishes
realized...

Beloved dream of my heart.

Doin' Coupon Chris proud...

2008-01-16T21:05:00.000-06:00

$252.00
Value of the 10 clothing items I snagged from the clearance racks at Kohl's this morning.

$25.20
How much I paid.

Me to Tim on the way home from the train station: "I hit Kohl's today and picked up 3 dresses, 6 blouses and a skirt."

Him: "Thanks for blowing my paycheck!"

Me: "I spent $25."

Him: "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy!" (Wayne's World style)

INDEED.

Getting your just desserts...

2008-01-13T20:38:00.000-06:00

I'm a big fan of dessert. Who isn't? Okay, I'm sure that out there somewhere is some Freak of Nature who doesn't like dessert, but I haven't met him. I assume it would be a him. Chicks like cake.

I'm also a fan of trying my best to eat well, and getting "my boys" as I refer to Mister and Moose to eat as many fruits and vegetables as possible. Here's the problem with Mister: he's not a picky eater at all, but he completely lacks the ability to make a good food choice. He is only able to choose the easiest food, the path of least resistance. So if he wants something sweet, he *could* be satisfied with an apple, but only if you first wash it and cut it up for him and make it easy to eat. If he walked up to the kitchen counter, and there was an apple and a Twinkie right next to each other, he'd take the Twinkie because it's easier. He will eat healthy food if I prepare it and set it in front of him, but he will not seek it out on his own.

Enter: The Sneaky Chef. This book, along with copycat Jessica Seinfeld's Deceptively Delicious were two of my "Merry Christmas To Me, From Me" presents this year. I've only tried out a few of the recipes, but so far everything has been YUM and the ideas have provided me with a culinary springboard into trying my own new tricks.

One of the recipes in The Sneaky Chef is "Say Yes to Sorbet". Like that's difficult. I will say yes to any frozen dessert, won't you? This little gem of a trick is so yummy!

1/2 c fruit juice
1 1/2 c frozen fruit

Put in food processor, puree. It's rough going at first, but hang on tight and ride it out. Let your food processor earn its keep. It takes up a lot of space on the counter! Pour into serving dishes, serve.

Yeah, that easy. And here's what I found - if you process it long enough in the food processor, it incorporates sufficient air into the mix that you can actually freeze it and it comes out like store bought sorbet. Knowing this, tonight I substituted milk for the fruit juice and added frozen strawberries, a dash of vanilla and a sprinkle of stevia. Oh yeah, strawberry ice cream. So good! It's in the freezer for tomorrow's dessert...if it lasts that long. I mean, I am a SAHM. And a girl's gotta eat sometime. Next I'm going to do pineapple and coconut (pina coladas, anybody?). Or cherry "ice cream" with chocolate chips. Are you drooling yet?

What I love most about this recipe is that I control exactly what's in it. There is no added sugar (well, unless I do that chocolate chip one). There's no high fructose corn syrup and no FD&C red #40. The sorbet is all just fruit and juice. For my first sorbet, I used Odwalla Mango Tango juice/puree blend as liquid and frozen mango and pineapple chunks. No sugar, no emulsifiers, no fat. All just delicious fruity goodness. I can't see a reason for buying store bought ice cream, sherbet or sorbet again!

Mister thinks I should try to make spinach sorbet. I think I'll skip that idea, and save the spinach for his next batch of brownies. What he don't know won't hurt him! ;)

Behold, the power of the faux Scandi. (Fandi?)

2008-01-10T13:19:00.001-06:00

I have discovered mad, phat mei tai love. I've been wearing Jackson since he was a newborn. First I had a little sling, then I invested in an Ergo. Then I found pouch love with Hotslings (they're so awesome for tucking into your bag). Now Jack is really too heavy to wear comfortably with all the weight on one shoulder, and he's too tall for the Ergo's back panel.

Enter: Mei Tais. A met tai, or MT for short, is an Asian-inspired baby carrier. There is a waist strap that you tie on like an apron, then you put your baby on and tie shoulder straps on and wrap them around you & baby. Trust me, it sounds may more complicated than it is.

If you don't wear your baby, how do you get anything done? I pop Jack on my back and vacuum, mop, dust, do dishes, make lunch, you name it. Sometimes he has days where all he wants to do is be held, the MT is great for that. I can hold you all day, Baby, and get chores done. I put him on my back like a back pack when we're out shopping. He's happy with the elevated view over my shoulder and I'm happy because he's not trying to climb out of the cart, not trying to grab stuff off the shelves and not engaging in any other general mischief making.

You can get a basic MT online for $70 to $100 or so. I ordered one online and then said to myself, "Self, you can totally make that." What I wanted was a super nice, oversize, reversible Scandinavian MT though. The "Scandi's" as they are called in babywearing circles (yes, there are babywearing circles) are renowned for their comfort and ease of wearing due to their superior weight distribution. And, the one I wanted was about $300. I'm not Swedish, but I do shop at IKEA and I've had the meatballs there. I can make a Scandinavian mei tai!

And so a-shopping I went. I ordered fabric online. I grew impatient with waiting for it to come. So I went to JoAnn's. I raided their clearance section and found some really pretty stuff! It's costing me $10 to $25 per each to make my own mei tai's. I'm making a few, so I have a vast color assortment to choose from. I made this beige and coral one yesterday. It has embroidered corduroy straps, a cotton panel on one side (hot pink and coral madras plaid) and a silk floral embroidered panel on the reverse. I had to do dishes and make lunch, so I put Jackson on and went about my chores. About 10 minutes later, I felt a floppy head resting on my back so I went to the living room to untie the carrier onto the couch.

Ha ha! Take that, Mr. No Naps!

A shout out to the very talented oliviabolivia of The Babywearer for her clear and concise i nstructions on her blog, Christmas Eve Twins (which I totally bastardized to suit me, but she inspired me to do it!)

Love, on Its knees

2008-01-10T11:45:00.000-06:00

In the back of my Bible, I was provided with some blank white pages. I don't know what they're for, I think they're just filler. In high school, I started using them as a place to jot down quotes that struck me in the heart. Some were from chapel sermons from high school and college. Others were thoughts that entered my mind during my devotions.

One of my scrawlings reads, "Intercession is love on its knees." I guess there's a book out there to that effect. I don't recall where I heard these words, I know I didn't read the book. But lately, I've been all about this love.

I've been all about this love when I pray for my friends Rob & Christina as the venture into the great unknown with their new ministry. I've been all about this love while I pray for Rob's mom and dad, as they deploy to the mission field, at an age most couples are retiring! I'm all about this love as I remember my friend Brandi and her precious unborn child that we can't wait to meet. And I'm all about this love when I pray for my brother Adan, who is trying to get his life back together and cobble back together the pieces of his fractured family as he tries so desperately to be a good father. I'm all about this love as I remember my friend Lisa, as she and Scott are rebuilding their relationship and strengthening their family after being devastated by hurt and betrayal. And I feel this love circulating back to me in return, when my nephew was hospitalized this past week and my friends remembered him in their prayers.

When I consider the amazing, transforming power of prayer (more than meets the eye, to be sure) it stuns me and quiets my heart...it all starts in quiet corners when we humbly bow and say, "Father, please..."

And then I watch, and am amazed. I watch as this swirling tornado of prayers lifts us all up and elevates each of us to be better tomorrow than we are today. It's so...WOW.

What a wonderful gift we are able to give one another with just a moment of our time. Thanks for your love, on its knees.

No, Buffalo Bill. They don't sell that at JoAnn's.

2008-01-06T12:57:00.000-06:00

We're getting Jackson ready for bed and Tim asks, "Do they sell that stuff on the bottom of his feet at the fabric store?"

Me: "No, they don't sell SKIN BY THE YARD. Anywhere."
Him: "No, I mean the grippy stuff on the bottom of his sleeper footies."
Me: "Oh, yeah. They sell iron on grippy stuff."
Him: "I bet that Silence of the Lambs guy would like it if they did sell skin."
Me: "Yeah, he wouldn't have had to kill all those people and make them put lotion on."
In stereo: "It puts the lotion in the basket, or else it gets the hose again!"

Skin by the yard. How gross!

WAY TO GO, IOWA!

2008-01-03T20:54:00.000-06:00

The Hawkeye State got it right tonight, big time! *\o/*

I'm so happy I'm crying.

I'm such a wuss.

O-BAM-A O-BAM-A O-BAM-A O-BAM-A!!!!!!!!!!!!

Makin' my birthday list early...2008

2008-01-02T09:03:00.000-06:00

It has just occurred to me that the one thing I have been longing for could possibly be given to me for my 34th birthday. What a fantastic way to wrap up my Christ Year!

My next birthday will be on November 4, 2008. (Mark your calendars). Everybody I know can pitch in and help give me what I want.

It will not cost you anything but your time.

You will be giving me what I want most desperately.

You will also experience benefits from giving me what I want.

To give me this amazing gift that will make me sooooo happy will require a bit of planning.

November 4th is Election Day. And I want Obama for President for my birthday.

Here's how to do it:

1) Register to vote. In many states, you must declare a party in order to vote for that party's candidate for the primary. (Oh, did I mention we're voting in the primaries too? That's part of the deal.) Illinois is one of those states. Oh, and I don't mean to pressure you, but you need to do this by January 8th. So let's step to it, shall we?

2) Barack the Vote! Ah, I love me a good pun. Anyway, please do go out and vote in the primaries. Sam, you get a vote too. Here's the map showing when everybody's primaries are. Everybody! To the polls! You have a birthday gift to give!

3) Now, one last appearance at the polls from you, for me, on my birthday. I'm counting on you to show up for the primaries. I'm confident if I get the five people who regularly read this blog to vote for Obama, that he will win the party nomination. So then on my birthday this year, all you have to do is vote for Obama again and then voila - my birthday wish has come true!

Please note that in the event that Obama doesn't win his party's nomination, I DO NOT want Hillary Clinton for President! She already got to be President, twice. No mas!

Now obviously you can't just blindly vote for a dude you don't know anything about just because I asked you to do so. Well, you could, but that would be quite dull of you and my friends are sharp as tacks. Here is a list of reasons why we're voting for Barack. Here's my biggest reason for voting for him: it's time for a huge, drastic change in how our country is run. For too long, our nation has been run by The Man. And by The Man, I mean the corporations who pay the politicians to get them in office, and then manipulate them like puppets to do their bidding. So while we have a government that was founded to be "by the people, for the people" in practice it is anything but. Barack Obama stands to change that. Barack Obama's campaign has been financed by...people just like you and me. Actually, me - I have given. But he is the first and only candidate to reject the usual methods of fundraising where you collect money from political action committees, lobbyists and corporations. Barack's donors are everyday people with an extra $25 to share with someone they believe in. This grassroots movement has set records. Obama has had more private donations from more individuals (500,000 of us!) than any other candidate in history.

In his February 10, 2007 speech in which he declared his candidacy Barack said, "In the face of impossible odds, people who love their country can change it."

Also, people who love me can give me what I want for my birthday. I'm just sayin'.

300 miles/Sir Topham Hatt's Pimp Hand

2007-12-27T21:10:00.000-06:00

My husband is awesome. I submit to you as evidence, Exhibit A:

We're lollygagging in Jackson's room, playing with blocks. Tim is burning some vacation days this week lest he lose them at the end of the year.

Me: So what do you want to do today?
Him: I dunno. What do you want to do?
Me: I really want a cream slush and some cheese tots.
Him: Is there a Sonic here now?
Me: No, the closest one is in Peoria.
Him: How far away is Peroria? (He can't say Peoria.)
Me: PEE-OR-EE-UH. It's 2 1/2 hours away.
Him: Hmmm. What else is there?
Me: There are museums and stuff. It's a pretty big city.
Him: Hmmm. We should call and make sure they're open. They may be closed for the season.
Me: Giggity giggity!

He goes to the phone and calls 411.
411: City and State, please
Him: Perora, IL
411: City and State, please
Me: (yelling from upstairs) PEE-OR-EE-UH!
Him: Peeoreeuh, IL
411: What name?
Him: Sonic.

Information is then dispensed, he calls and they are open until 11. W00T!!!!111! And a road trippin' we go.

3 hours later, we arrive here:

Be still my heart.

One extra long chili cheese coney with onions (yes I ate "meat" and yes it was delicious), cheese tots and an orange cream slush later, I am a fat and happy girl.

And he would drive 300 miles
And he would drive 300 more
Just to be the man who took me to Sonic.
(insert "dada dadat da's" and guitar riff here)

It was a good day.

On the way home, Jackson got a little fussy so we turned on his DVD player, which had a Thomas video in it.

Tim: "I don't know how Sir Topham Hatt keeps that business together. I mean, there are always trains derailed and trains that are late and trains spilling stinky cheese. How does he ever get any business?"

Me: "You know Sir Topham Hatt doesn't actually exist, right?"

Him: "I'm just saying. I mean, I would never hire his trains. Then again, I guess he has a monopoly on freight since he has the only train line on the Island of Sodor."

Me: "The Island of Sodor isn't real. Thomas the Tank Engine episodes are not true stories."

Him: (completely ignoring my truthiness) "Yeah, he has a huge monopoly on all the freight so he can charge whatever he wants and if your stinky cheese gets spilled, oh well who else are you going to ship it with? Man, that Sir Topham Hatt. His pimp hand is strong."

And that's when I laughed really hard, and loved him just a little bit more. Any guy who will drive 300 miles in one day to fulfill my desire for cream slushes and cheese tots and then can pull off a sentence about a cartoon in which a pimp hand is referenced...that guy wins my heart every time.

It was a very good day.

And as you can see, Ladies and Gentleman, from my examples given here, my husband is awesome. I rest my case.

Does this thing Clark?

2007-12-24T17:23:00.000-06:00

Hysterical thing happened today that I had to share:

So I've been going crazy sewing pj pants for Jackson. First I got some moose print flannel. Those came out darling! So then I made shorts of the same stuff. Super cute! I found some monkey print flannel at Joann's that was regular $6.99, on sale for $2 but it was the very last of the bolt so they gave me selvage price for it, which is half off so it was $1 a yard. Yippee!

Dummy me didn't even consider that I would require additional notions to complete my project when I scored monkey fabric for a buck a yard. I was too happy to have monkey pants to make.

I decided this afternoon that I wanted to make the monkey pants while Jackson napped. I laid out the fabric and pattern and learned I had enough to make 2 pairs of pants and 2 pairs of shorts. Yippee! Monkey pants for Moose and maybe one or two of his friends! (If your kid wears a 2T, let me know.)

I asked Tim to please go to Joann's for me to get me thread and elastic while I pinned and cut . He comes back a long while later, exasperated from traffic and choosing the right thread.

Him: "I didn't know what kind to get. Is that kind okay?"
Me: "Yes, it's great, thank you so much for going for me."
Him: "They had all these different kinds, quilting thread, heavy duty thread, all purpose thread, and something called coats and clark. I didn't want to get that kind because I know you're not making a coat and I don't know if your machine clarks. The one I got said coats so I was worried it was the wrong kind."
Me: "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

After laughing so hard I cried and nearly peed myself, I explained that "Coats and Clark" is a brand, and it is not specifically for coats. Also, "clarking" is not a sewing machine function.

But upon further review, my machine does make a decorative scalloped stitch, which looks like a big "C" so I'm going to officially call that "Clarking". ;)

Merry Christmoose!

P.S. I didn't get a chance to write Christmas cards this year, so don't take it personally. We might do Happy New Years cards instead!

The Story of Us: Part Three. Merging = Being Nice To People You Don't Know

2007-12-22T09:13:00.001-06:00

So sorry for not updating this in so long. We had an internet service outage. It was NOT Comcastic! Our cable was fine, but our internet was out because "the signal was coming into the house too strong". Tell me if that doesn't sound like a load of hot, steaming BS. Ugh. Anyway, back to our story.

It was November of 2004. November 9th, actually. (I also remember what I was wearing, but that is immaterial to the story). The Bridge, Jason, has decided that he can't live if livin' is without me. He weeps over losing me. I feel nothing. I didn't fall madly in love with him and want to spend the rest of my life with him because A) he wasn't the One for me and B) that's why I was with him in the first place, because I knew he would never want to be married or have kids, so he was a safe choice to go out with. Love was off the table, or so I thought.

I had finally decided that I had enough of feeling alone, enough of feeling like I'm still one half of a whole, and decided I'd go put myself out there and see what I could find. What I found first was Mike. Mike wasn't really that great looking but he had a good smile and seemed charming at first. Then we sat down, I ordered a drink and asked him if he wanted anything (because I was all into being in charge at the moment - this pays off for me later in the story) and he said, "No, I can't drink as part of my probation I just got out of jail for child molestation." And then he died laughing, like that was the BEST LINE EVER. I looked up at the waitress and said, I don't think I'll need that drink after all. I stood up and said, "I'm an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse and I don't find joking about it funny AT ALL" and walked out, with my head held high, my amazing tits leading the way out (in a very cute and well cut top) and my ass jiggling just enough to make it hurt him. Fricking idiot. (Please note: the post-baby body bears small resemblance to the 11/09/04 body).

Then I went to The Ram. I found a cute boy there with blond highlights, blue eyes (I am such a sucker for bright blue eyes!), perfect teeth, and the perfect height for me. Yummy.

This is a good time to explain my 6-6-6 Theory of Husband Finding. The minimum requirements for my match had been reduced to this: 6 feet, 6 inches, 6 figures. Yes, that is horribly vain, shallow and materialistic but by this time in life I was 30. The Lady knows what she needs and wants. I knew what would keep me physically attracted and financially secure. A younger and stupider, more naive version of me had married for love before. It worked out poorly. If I was ever going to do it again, it would be for love with someone I knew would provide for all my needs in every way.

So I walk up to Yummy Boy, and say "I want a Sapphire and Tonic, and I think you should buy it for me." He says okay, and gets me a drink. Because he's naturally mellow and easy going, and seriously I am rocking the hell out of my cleavage tonight.

And drinks turned into appetizers, and appetizers turned into dinner, and dinner turned into dessert, and dessert turned into after dinner cocktails until basically they kicked us out. And while we sat there, we talked about everything. My work, his work (IT consultant, working on an SAP R3 conversion - salary minimum met!), our volunteer work, religion, our divorces, family, our desire for a family, adoption, foster parenting, pets, politics, sports (I'm the sports fan, he didn't know what a field goal was), cars, fashion (he has a strong love for all things Versace), plastic surgery (we've both been under the knife), just...everything. And as I sat there, I kept thinking over and over, "this guy is such a great match for me!". I mean, in every way he totally is. I probably could have been persuaded to bend the rules on one or two of the 6's. Thankfully, I didn't have to.

He walked me out to my car, gave me a hug and then a sweet small kiss goodnight. I called my best friend and told her I was going to get married again. Just as too many people had advised me in the past: when you meet The Right One, you just know. I just knew. I didn't feel like I was just one half of a whole anymore. I had found that other half - the one whom as Jerry McGuire put it, "completes me".

The next week, he asked me out to dinner Friday night. I picked a Japanese teppanyaki place. We had blue Hawaiians and steak and shrimp, then went back to his place to watch a movie. Before too long, it was nearly midnight and I had to get back to my place. I had the cable guy coming out between 8 am and 1 pm (so specific!) but in the event he showed up at 8 am, I wanted to be awake for it. Before I headed home, he asked me if he could take me to the movies the next day, after the cable guy was done. I told him I'd check my schedule and let him know (still trying to maintain an aura of cool and not act too eager).

We saw the Incredibles on Saturday afternoon, and after the movie we went back to his place to figure out dinner. We wanted to stay in, but it was obvious that there hadn't been a trip to the grocery store in a while. This was when I slipped into Kitchen MacGyver mode and made a garlic cream sauce with veggies over pasta. I found a bottle of wine and voila, it was dinner. Tim was amazed. He didn't want me to leave, but night fell and I departed after dinner.

The following Monday, the conversion project at work that he had been prepping for kicked off. He began working literally around the clock. He'd leave for work at 7 am and get home around midnight, nap for a couple of hours and then leave to do it all over again, 7 days a week. He missed me, so he gave me a key to his apartment and asked me to stay there a few nights a week, so he could at least see me and talk to me for a little while, half asleep, before he passed out of exhaustion. I missed him too, and I knew that this crazy period was part of the conversion when he said he was going to do it, so I obliged.

Thanksgiving came. We went together to the Lincoln Park Community Shelter to prepare turkey dinner for 50 homeless people. It was a really beautiful experience, and we did it for two years as a part of Singles Social and Service Chicago. Then we weren't single anymore, we got pregnant, and now we're forging some new family traditions together. Anyway, back to the shelter. We were working on some twice baked potatoes and talking about the ravages of cancer treatment. I said, "If I lost all my hair, would you still love me?" And he said, "Of course." And I said, "A-HA! You DO love me!" And he was all ashamed and blushing and said I tricked him. Ha ha.

Christmas came. Tim is from Maryland, and he has no family in Illinois. He moved here for his college sweetheart who is now his ex-wife. The tradition in my family is that we gather on Christmas Eve, have a fabulous feast together, then wait until midnight and open our gifts in one massive, wild frenzy of flying paper and ribbons. My cousin Tracy usually hosts, and I called her to ask if I could bring my new boyfriend. I told her he was really special and I thought he was The One. She was all excited to meet him, so I brought him with. All of my cousins had bought him gifts so he could have something to open during our gift exchange, and Tracy even made him a stocking to hang with the rest of ours. It was so sweet how my family loved and accepted him without even meeting him. They really made Tim feel like part of the family right from the beginning. My cousins are awesome women.

That night, we got back to Tim's apartment and unloaded our loot. At that point, we were technically not yet living together. I still had my apartment, but nobody slept there, including my two cats. We just hadn't yet made that leap yet, although I was ready to. I didn't pressure Tim, because it was nice to know I still had my space if things went awry.

We sat on his living room floor, noshing on Christmas cookies and talking about how wonderful our first Christmas together had been, when he asked me to move in. He said he was certain that we were supposed to be together and he wanted to build a future with me and be with me and I'm already there anyways, so let's move my stuff out of my apartment and get my mail forwarded. After he became a part of my extended family that night, he didn't want to leave and he didn't want me to leave his house either.

I moved out of my apartment at New Years. It was a good thing too, because by the end of January my position had been eliminated and I lost my job - I wouldn't have been able to afford my own rent on unemployment anyway!

We co-habitated from that point on. On October 3, 2005, we had just returned home from picking up burritos from our favorite tacqueria when in the kitchen, Tim asked me if I would share burritos with him forever and he presented me with my super awesome beautiful 2.5 ct 3 stone engagement ring. Of course I said yes, and we've been sharing burritos ever since.

And that is how one year, one month and one day after we first met, we got married, barefoot on the beach of St. Thomas on December 10, 2005. One thing we both wanted more than anything was to start a family - which we had discussed at our very first date - and once we were married, we started trying. On February 13, 2006 (the day before Valentine's Day), we found out we were pregnant.

Jackson Phoenix was born September 28th, nine months and three weeks after our wedding. And just like that, in the wink of an eye, everything I have ever wanted for my life came to be.

And that, my friends, is the Story of Us.

The Story of Us: Part Two - Take 'em to the bridge!

2007-12-14T13:46:00.000-06:00

Ah, The Bridge. The Bridge was a Pharmacist from San Francisco. He was funny and cute and charming. We shared a love for the 49ers, which is why we originally spoke to each other. He introduced me to the wonders of the Ben Stiller Show (years after it was cancelled), made me fall in love with The City (but not enough to live there, I'm a Burbie Girl), made me laugh, made me cry, and made me believe that A) I deserved more and that B) Good guys existed, and I could find love again.

He tolerated my penchant for $30 lip glosses and let me teach him culinary skillz. We loved music of all kinds, and we enjoyed seeking out new artists to share with each other. We loved Joss Stone before anyone had ever heard of her, and swayed together at HOB for her first tour. She was so charming and humble and cute - she couldn't believe that so many people paid to hear her sing. On Sunday mornings, he'd go get us bagels and tea and the Sunday Trib, then we'd lounge on the rooftop of his Lakeshore apartment, reading, noshing and sipping and watching the world drift by. We'd go out dancing with my cousins, and made up stupid dance moves like "Driving The Bus" and "Doing the Momo" (an imitation of my cat trying to scratch the side of the couch). That "teaching the dumb white guy how to dance" in the movie Hitch? They totally stole our smack.

After quite some time of spending my life with him, the lesson he taught me had been learned. I deserved more. I wanted more. I wanted more, but not more of him. I wanted the house in the suburbs and dogs and babies and it was painfully obvious to me that this guy wasn't going to be the one I experienced that with.

We went out to see The Polar Express in 3D IMAX, and as I drove him to the Blue Line station, I told him. We weren't going to be a we anymore. We promised that no matter what the outcome of our relationship, we would always be friends and I sincerely wanted that.

He was crushed. There was crying. He said that he had finally decided that maybe he could try to do the house and the marriage and the suburbs (he never wanted any of that, which is why he was "safe" for me) but that if he ever did that, he would only do it for me.

It was never my intention to try to force him into the mold of what I wanted in a husband and partner. He would have been sacrificing too much of what he loved in order to try to make me happy. We all know that never would have worked.

And so we parted ways. It's taken awhile, but we're cool now. In that slow, magical way that time soothes hearts, the painful and ugly parts of our past have melted away and only good memories remain for both of us. He's back in San Fransisco now, caring for his ailing mother. And I'm married and happy and have the house and the dogs and the baby and the life he made me believe I could have. The life he gave me permission to demand.

And I demanded it. From that very first moment I spoke to Hubster, and told him I wanted a Sapphire and Tonic and thought he should buy it for me. But that, dear friends, is a story for another day...

The Story of Us: Part One. Where We Came From

2007-12-11T20:52:00.000-06:00

Hubster and I were both previously married.

GASP!

But divorce is a SIN and God hates divorce and how could you???

Well, divorce is a sin but so is a husband abusing and being unfaithful to his wife. And as much as God hates sin, I think He also hated that I was suffering and miserable and hurt and scared. God never wants His children to suffer if there is a way to make it stop.

My ex didn't beat me. I wish he did. It would have hurt less. Instead, he told me stuff like how I was completely worthless, I should have been aborted, I was an idiot, stuff like that. And when I told him that you don't talk to people you love like that, he told me that if I didn't like it, I could leave.

So one day, I decided that leaving sounded like a perfectly good idea and I left.

After my departure, he started going on online dating sites to meet someone new. We were ostensibly in marital counseling when I discovered he had been dating another woman. The counseling was over, and papers were filed. Done and done.

Enter: the bridge. The one who got me from there to here. The one who made me believe in love again. The one who tickled my funny bone and loved my big, sexy brain and made up crazy dance moves with me just to make me laugh.

After Dave my ex husband and before Tim, the best person I've ever met there was Jason. He was The Bridge.

I'll tell you all about him...another day.

Two

2007-12-10T10:38:00.000-06:00

Today is mine and my husband's second wedding anniversary. This one is much improved over our first wedding anniversary, which was spent taking care of our newborn son as he recovered from major abdominal surgery.

Yes, this year is far better.

This year, our Christmas tree is up and actually half decorated. The upper half is decorated. The lower half has fallen prey to tiny, curious hands. I don't think there will be any presents this year, which is fine. We have both already exchanged early Christmas gifts. I got him a fancy dancy learning remote control. One remote to rule them all, you might say. This is better than a universal remote, it is programmable (via USB connection to a computer!) to control stuff like your home's lighting too! He got me a new sewing machine. It's electronic, does blind hems and overlocks. This is quite the big fat hairy deal to me and I'm really excited to set up my sewing room.

As I look around my little home, I am struck with thanks for my wonderful little life.

Finally.

It was quite a journey to get here. Maybe I'll tell you The Story of Us in the next few weeks. It will help you understand our long journey Home.

Snowflakes that fall on my nose and eyelashes...

2007-12-06T21:42:00.000-06:00

These are a few of Jackson's favorite things (to eat):

1) Anything with garlic. Preferably, lots of garlic.
2) Sushi.
3) Odwalla Superfood juice. Benefit of feeding a baby: he doesn't know that green juice looks nasty.
4) Freeze dried peas. I swear, probably 75% of his vegetable intake is in freeze dried pea form. (And a great deal of the balance comes from that green juice!)
5) Blueberry anything.
6) Cream of Wheat. Oatmeal is the white death to him, but he can't get enough farina.
7) Baby Goldfish crackers. But not the normal ones, only the "Baby" ones that are half the size of a regular goldfish cracker. Tiny is the new black.
8) Good milk. Moose has become a milk connoisseur. Dean's Milk Chug? Sister, please. Jackson requires that his milk be fresh from the farm, unhomogenized, VAT pasteurized, from organically pastured Jersey cows. But not Holsteins, only Jersey cows need apply. Preferably, local Jersey cows. This emphasizes the freshness. (His milk of choice is Crystal Ball Farms' whole, in a glass bottle please.) In his defense, I have side by side taste tested his preferred milk and regular grocery store milk and his fresh organic milk is WAY better. I guess if I drank a quart of it a day, I'd prefer the good stuff too.
9) Shrimp. Fried shrimp, shrimp kebab, shrimp cocktail, shrimp salad (insert your own Forrest Gump joke here). You get the picture. Homeboy loves shrimp. I think he likes shrimp more than my former cats do! (Shout out to Coupon Chris, who is now the loving mama to my former furbabies.)
10) Hyland's Teething Tablets. This one cracks me up. Now I lay them out for him and he gently picks them up with thumb and forefinger, and delicately places them on his tongue for a interlude of melty and sweet teething pain relief. We call them "Toothies". I'll say, "Do you need Toothies?" and he will sit and wait for aforementioned Toothies to be dispensed for him to savor.
11) Gerber "Meat Sticks". When I feed these to him, they make me shiver with guilt. Meat Sticks? MEAT STICKS? Really? Marketing couldn't come up with anything else more palatable sounding - like, say "Little Sausages" or something?

There are plenty more, but these are all I can think of right now.

In Your Eyes

2007-12-05T16:20:00.000-06:00

It snowed yesterday, and it made me cry.

As you may or may not remember, my favorite season is Spring. But before the Spring, Winter must come - and with it, our first snowfall.

Is there anything more beautiful than that perfect, pristine, first snowfall? As I peeled back the blinds on the patio door last night to let the dogs out, the spotless perfection of my back yard struck me. "This is how God sees me now" I thought.

Before we ask for His forgiveness, all He can see in us is our dark and sinful heart. All He can see is that deep, black blot on our soul that is keeping us from Him. But after accepting His grace, salvation and love, we are washed clean and from that day forward God sees us through Christ - perfect, pure and pristine. He doesn't see the sins of our past. He doesn't even remember them. As soon as we are forgiven, they are gone and the furthest thing from His mind as He looks down upon us.

How amazing is that?

An excellent, evil, awful idea

2007-11-30T14:20:00.000-06:00

Satan works in Marketing. At Nestle. How else can you explain this?

Only the Devil himself would place a 40 ounce TUB OF COOKIE DOUGH in my refrigerator.

Get thee behind me, Satan! And pass the cookie dough and a spoon! ;)

Rap Charts

2007-11-29T18:07:00.000-06:00

These are great - they reminded me of the Indexed blog. Here are some popular rap songs, with their lyrics charted/graphed out for those who appreciate a visual presentation over an aural one. My favs are the first two and the last one.

P.S. If you've never heard Ben Folds' cover of "Bitches Ain't Shit", I implore you to download it posthaste.

Invisible Mom

2007-11-28T17:21:00.000-06:00

This is long, but worth reading and saving for a rainy day - you know, those days when you doubt if all the work you put into being a great mom is ever going to be noticed. The days where you think, "Oh, I used to be brilliant and cute and I used to look really good in jeans!" Save it for that day. Or if you're having that day today, get your hankie out before you read on...

This is to all moms - and moms to be ---------

"Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical, and expecting more than others think is possible"

I'm Invisible

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:

'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

The More You Know....

2007-11-27T11:47:00.000-06:00

When trying to research how to grow a vegetable garden in pots on your patio, do not Google "pot gardening". What you want is not going to come up.

Also, when trying to shop online for sporting equipment, dicks.com is not the website for Dick's Sporting Goods.

Me and Daughtry

2007-11-21T11:54:00.000-06:00

I'm going home.

I'm so excited. After a season of blondeness, I am really ready. I am ready to wear my lipsticks again. Ready to not look washed out and tired. I am ready to return to my God-ordained, brunette beauty.

I shall never roam again.

God was the best colorist I ever had - who was I to think I could improve upon His immaculate design? A damn fool, that's who I was.

I have been gradually climbing my way out of a bleached abyss, going from warm dark blonde to chestnut. Now, a concoction of half "chocolate cherry" and half dark brown is on my head (my natural color has a lot of red undertones, hence the chocolate cherry) and in a half hour I will have returned to brunette glory. I can't wait!

Photos coming, once my transformation is complete...

Barack Obama's Address to the Jefferson Jackson Dinner - November 10, 2007

2007-11-12T21:29:00.000-06:00

I really, really, really LOVED this speech. It has the same vital energy as his 2004 DNC speech.

I think I'd actually watch the State of the Union addresses if he were prez...

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Veterans Memorial Auditorium
Des Moines, Iowa

Thank you so much. To the great Governor of Iowa and Lieutenant Governor of Iowa. To my dear friend Tom Harkin for the outstanding work that he does. To the congressional delegation of Iowa that is doing outstanding work, and to Nancy Pelosi, Madam Speaker -- thank you all for the wonderful welcome and the wonderful hospitality.

A little less than one year from today, you will go into the voting booth, and you will select the President of the United States of America.

Now, here's the good news -- the name George W. Bush will not be on the ballot. The name of my cousin Dick Cheney will not be on the ballot. (We've been trying to hide that for a long time. Everybody has a black sheep in the family.) The era of Scooter Libby justice, and Brownie incompetence, and Karl Rove politics will finally be over.

But the question you're going to have to ask yourself when you caucus in January and you vote in November is, "What's next for America?"

We are in a defining moment in our history. Our nation is at war. The planet is in peril. The dream that so many generations fought for feels as if it's slowly slipping away. We are working harder for less. We've never paid more for health care or for college. It's harder to save, and it's harder to retire. And most of all, we've lost faith that our leaders can or will do anything about it.

We were promised compassionate conservatism, and all we got was Katrina and wiretaps. We were promised a uniter, and we got a President who could not even lead the half of the country that voted for him. We were promised a more ethical and more efficient government, and instead we have a town called Washington that is more corrupt and more wasteful than it was before. And the only mission that was ever accomplished is to use fear and falsehood to take this country to a war that should have never been authorized and should have never been waged.

It is because of these failures that America is listening, intently, to what we say here today -- not just Democrats, but Republicans and Independents who've lost trust in their government but want to believe again.

And it is because of these failures that we not only have a moment of great challenge, but also a moment of great opportunity. We have a chance to bring the country together in a new majority -- to finally tackle problems that George Bush made far worse but that had festered long before George Bush ever took office -- problems that we've talked about year after year after year after year.

And that is why the same old Washington textbook campaigns just won't do in this election. That's why not answering questions because we are afraid our answers won't be popular just won't do. That's why telling the American people what we think they want to hear instead of telling the American people what they need to hear just won't do. Triangulating and poll-driven positions because we're worried about what Mitt or Rudy might say about us just won't do. If we are really serious about winning this election, Democrats, we can't live in fear of losing it.

This party -- the party of Jefferson and Jackson, of Roosevelt and Kennedy -- has always made the biggest difference in the lives of the American people when we led, not by polls, but by principle; not by calculation, but by conviction; when we summoned the entire nation to a common purpose -- a higher purpose. And I run for the Presidency of the United States of America because that's the party America needs us to be right now.

A party that offers not just a difference in policies, but a difference in leadership.

A party that doesn't just focus on how to win but why we should.

A party that doesn't just offer change as a slogan, but real, meaningful change -- change that America can believe in.

That's why I'm in this race. That's why I am running for the Presidency of the United States of America -- to offer change that we can believe in.

I am in this race to tell the corporate lobbyists that their days of setting the agenda in Washington are over. I have done more than any other candidate in this race to take on lobbyists -- and won. They have not funded my campaign; they will not get a job in my White House; and they will not drown out the voices of the American people when I am President.

I'm in this race to take those tax breaks away from companies that are moving jobs overseas and put them in the pockets of hard working Americans who deserve it. And I won't raise the minimum wage every ten years -- I will raise it to keep pace so that workers don't fall behind.

That is why I am in it. To protect the American worker. To fight for the American worker.

I'm in this race because I want to stop talking about the outrage of 47 million Americans without health care and start actually doing something about it. I expanded health care in Illinois by bringing Democrats and Republicans together. By taking on the insurance industry. And that is how I will make certain that every single American in this country has health care they can count on. And I won't do it twenty years from now. I won't do it ten years from now. I will do it by the end of my first term as President of the United States of America.

I run for President to make sure that every American child has the best education that we have to offer -- from the day they are born to the day they graduate from college. And I won't just talk about how great teachers are -- as President, I will reward them for their greatness -- by raising salaries and giving them more support. That's why I'm in this race.

I am running for President because I am sick and tired of Democrats thinking that the only way to look tough on national security is by talking, and acting, and voting like George Bush Republicans.

When I am this party's nominee, my opponent will not be able to say that I voted for the war in Iraq; or that I gave George Bush the benefit of the doubt on Iran; or that I supported Bush-Cheney policies of not talking to leaders that we don't like. And he will not be able to say that I wavered on something as fundamental as whether or not it is OK for America to torture -- because it is never ok. That's why I am in it.

As President, I will end the war in Iraq. We will have our troops home in sixteen months. I will close Guantanamo. I will restore habeas corpus. I will finish the fight against Al Qaeda. And I will lead the world to combat the common threats of the 21st century -- nuclear weapons and terrorism; climate change and poverty; genocide and disease. And I will send once more a message to those yearning faces beyond our shores that says, "You matter to us. Your future is our future. And our moment is now."

America, our moment is now.

Our moment is now.

I don't want to spend the next year or the next four years re-fighting the same fights that we had in the 1990s.

I don't want to pit Red America against Blue America; I want to be the President of the United States of America.

And if those Republicans come at me with the same fear-mongering and swift-boating that they usually do, then I will take them head on. Because I believe the American people are tired of fear and tired of distractions and tired of diversions. We can make this election not about fear, but about the future. And that won't just be a Democratic victory; that will be an American victory.

And that is a victory America needs right now.

I am not in this race to fulfill some long-held ambitions or because I believe it's somehow owed to me. I never expected to be here. I always knew this journey was improbable. I've never been on a journey that wasn't.

I am running in this race because of what Dr. King called "the fierce urgency of now." Because I believe that there's such a thing as being too late. And that hour is almost upon us.

I don't want to wake up four years from now and find out that millions of Americans still lack health care because we couldn't take on the insurance industry.

I don't want to see that the oceans have risen a few more inches. The planet has reached a point of no return because we couldn't find a way to stop buying oil from dictators.

I don't want to see more American lives put at risk because no one had the judgment or the courage to stand up against a misguided war before we sent our troops into fight.

I don't want to see homeless veterans on the streets. I don't want to send another generation of American children to failing schools. I don't want that future for my daughters. I don't want that future for your sons. I do not want that future for America.

I'm in this race for the same reason that I fought for jobs for the jobless and hope for the hopeless on the streets of Chicago; for the same reason I fought for justice and equality as a civil rights lawyer; for the same reason that I fought for Illinois families for over a decade.

Because I will never forget that the only reason that I'm standing here today is because somebody, somewhere stood up for me when it was risky. Stood up when it was hard. Stood up when it wasn't popular. And because that somebody stood up, a few more stood up. And then a few thousand stood up. And then a few million stood up. And standing up, with courage and clear purpose, they somehow managed to change the world.

That's why I'm running, Iowa -- to give our children and grandchildren the same chances somebody gave me.

That's why I'm running, Democrats -- to keep the American Dream alive for those who still hunger for opportunity, who still thirst for equality.

That's why I'm asking you to stand with me; that's why I'm asking you to caucus for me; that's why I am asking you to stop settling for what the cynics say we have to accept. In this election -- in this moment -- let us reach for what we know is possible. A nation healed. A world repaired. An America that believes again. Thank you very much everybody.

Love Thursday

2007-11-08T21:19:00.000-06:00

I know I've been slacking with my blog entries, but at least I'm not as bad as Coupon Chris (ahem! slacker!) Yeah, I'll call you out if you don't post in two months.

So, this Thursday I love....No-freaking-vember, baby. Thank God October is over.

Let me tell you a little something about October. I HATE October. Know why? October is "Breast Cancer Awareness Month". It is miserable to be bitch slapped with breast cancer awareness every day for a month. As a formerly lumped individual, I am AWARE of breast cancer. Painfully aware. I have the scars to prove it. I don't need an entire month of pink ribbons and donation cans at the cash register at the grocery store to help me be freaking aware of breast cancer.

Are there any women who need to be made aware of breast cancer? I think not. I think we all know our titones are at risk, simply for being. Maybe more so if we have the genetic predisposition to cancer, but not having family history doesn't protect you.

You know who needs to be made aware of their risk of breast cancer? MEN. Yeah, they get it too. And it is nearly always fatal for them because by the time they notice a weird lump on their chest and go to a doctor for it, it's too late. Because men are stupid, and they won't go to the doctor when they're sick. They will only go to the doctor when an appendage is falling off, and then it had better be a pretty important appendage. You don't see anyone handing out waterproof shower cards to men teaching them how to feel themselves up every month to detect any errant tissue but they absolutely should be.

I say we scrap Breast Cancer Awareness Month in its current form, and totally revamp it. Aim it towards the young, the uneducated and the penised. And don't remind me day after day for a month, about that one time I had the same disease my grandmother died from. It's like giving me a paper cut and then pouring lemon juice and salt all over it. On my boobs.

Yeah, I freaking LOVE November.

First Steps!

2007-11-02T11:46:00.001-05:00

Today Jackson took his first unassisted steps. He's been cruising and climbing for a while now and can walk as long as he's holding onto something or someone - today he took his first little wobbly strides towards me, across his bedroom.

I scooped him up and hugged him and kissed him and said "You did it! You're such a big boy! You did it!" And he said "Ah dee uht!" which sounded a heck of a lot like "I did it!" to me. Such an exciting event.

Of course, I cried.

News Flash!

2007-11-01T15:55:00.000-05:00

This just in...peppermint and eggnog lattes are back at Fourbucks! I had an Eggnog Chai Latte this AM after dropping off Hubster at the airport.

Yeah, Tim had to travel for work. I am so so so so so so mad! It's supposed to be a short trip, and it had better because so far I am not appreciating Sudden Onset Single Motherhood Syndrome. He just found out yesterday afternoon that he had to go to the East Coast office.

How come every year on my birthday he ends up having to travel for work? Just once I would like my husband home for my birthday. And this is a big birthday - it's my Christ Year! He should be home for this!

I have decided that to celebrate my birthday, we're going to the big, fancy, Champagne Brunch at the Country Club after church. Is it wrong to go get tipsy after church? Maybe just a little. ;)

Yum of the day: minted hot chocolate

2007-10-31T09:48:00.000-05:00

To make:

Brew a cup of hot mint tea. I really like Bieglow Mint Medley, a blend of spearmint and peppermint. Any mint will do.

Add 1 serving of hot cocoa mix to mint tea, stir to blend. Top off with a swish of milk if desired. Sip and enjoy.

I look forward to the mercury dipping each year just to enjoy this warm mug o'goodness. It's not as yummy to me in the summertime.

In other, unrelated news, I learned last night why I hate coffee. It smells like skunks to me. Last night, a skunk sprayed down the street and I smelled it in my living room. I kept asking, "is that skunk, or are you making coffee?" I am SO back to being a tea drinker only! Well, maybe tea drinker "mainly". I hate to rule out the possibility of a hot caramel apple cider at Fourbucks.

(insert your name here) who?

2007-10-27T21:35:00.000-05:00

It's Autumn. Which means several altogether lovely things: apple picking, pumpkin pie, apple cider, crisp weather, piles of leaves to jump in, sweater weather and the new fall TV lineup. New this season is "Samantha Who?" in which Christina Applegate gets hit by a car, goes into a coma, wakes up and has amnesia. The show follows her character, Sam, as she tries to find out who she was before the accident. Sam learns that she hates who she used to be. It's really a cute and clever show. But anyways...

This week, Sam went back to her job. She discovered that she hates her job and wants to quit. But she can't, because she has bills. But instead of resigning herself to this awful existance (that she had previously thought she could escape out of by quitting, before discovering a pile of credit card debt), she decides that each day is a new beginning. Each day is a new chance to be a better person than she used to. She has a fresh start and a clean slate. She doesn't remember anything about her life before the accident. She can be as nice as she wants, for no reason. She can do really great things for other people. She can start all over again, every day, simply by choosing to do so.

It really challenged my heart anew to keep trying to be better and do better with every day I have. I may not have been bonked on the head, but there are pieces of my history that I'd rather forget. I can't forget them, so I'll improve upon them. We can all benefit from doing the same.

The pinnacle of Mommy Guilt

2007-10-25T09:05:00.000-05:00

I started feeling a little post-nasal drop cold thing on Tuesday afternoon. Yesterday, it was a full blown sneezefest.

This morning, Jackson woke up stuffy and sneezing.

Is there any greater guilt than knowing you got your child sick? I think not. I kind of want to use my recalled Infant's Tylenol Cold Drops. For now, I'm sticking with the Hyland's Sniffles and Sneezes tablets.

I feel terrible, and not just because I bought a box of tissues. (Puffs comes now infused with Vicks!) I made my baby sick.

Someone please kill me and put me out of my misery, please.

Colbert '08

2007-10-19T20:57:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure how I can continue to campaign for Obama now that Colbert has announced that he's running.

Must. Resist. Writing. In. Colbert.

The Tooth Factory

2007-10-19T14:22:00.000-05:00

Moose is teething molars, it seems he's getting them all in at once. There's not a lot of sleeping going on in this house! Ugh.

In other, completely unrelated news, I went to Lush's Hair Party yesterday at Woodfield and had myself caca'd. Here are some things you should know about that:

1) They call it caca because it kind of smells like that.
2) Some of the colors have coffee in it to add brown tones.
3) Coffee can seep into your body transdermally.
4) When you put coffee on your head at 9 pm and can't wash it off for 3 hours, you get a lot into your bloodstream. Also, it leads to a propensity to chair-dance to Elton John's "Benny and the Jets".
5) Public chairdancing to Benny and the Jets makes people point and laugh.

So I had a great time, got totally strung out on caffeine and had to take some Benedryl to get to sleep. And my hair turned out so pretty! It's warm and chestnutty. It's also so shiny and soft. I'm loving the color payoff without the chemical damage. It's not as deep as I'd like it to be so next time I will mix caca brun mama with caca marron mama for a more brownish twinge. I'm assuming the brun has more coffee in it, so I won't be doing this at night any time soon.

I'll post pix later. Off to the hospitable to get some blood drawn.

Damn Straight! preens

2007-10-16T09:15:00.001-05:00

Here's a funny that I just got on email from the lovely Harriette. She's funny and smart and awesome. I love her!

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I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told me.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless woman. " I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."

The homeless woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."

Mooseapalooza Report

2007-10-01T19:30:00.000-05:00

A good time was had by all, and photos have been uploaded to Snapfish (email me for an invite). Here's my favorite of all of the pictures:

Hubby's procuring me an 8 x 10 print of this, we found a beautiful frame for it yesterday after church at Blood Bath & Beyond. I can't wait to hang it!

The party getting awesomer by the minute...

2007-09-29T11:34:00.000-05:00

Here's the monster truck moon bounce in my backyard...it was too big to get the whole thing in the picture!

Moose Cake!

2007-09-28T21:06:00.001-05:00

I picked up the Moose's birthday cake today.
I had to post a photo because it came out so great!

One

2007-09-28T09:11:00.000-05:00

I've been half dreading and half looking forward to today.

Last night, as I parented Jackson to sleep, I held him close and whispered to him that one year ago today, we were in the hospital. One year ago today, he was still a secret pearl inside of me. One year ago today, we were so excited to meet him. One year ago today, I told him, we waited and waited and waited for him to come. I also told him he had to stop growing up and getting bigger, as he was to stay my tiny Peanut forever.

We fell asleep together like we do every night. As the hours passed in the middle of the night, angels came and kissed away his infancy while ushering in toddlerhood. Then the sun came up, and Jackson, as he does nearly every morning, rolled over me, gave me a hug and with an exuberant "Mwah!" administered a sloppy kiss to my cheek.

"Happy Birthday, My Moose!" I exclaim. "Mama Baba Naa!" he replies. I grabbed a bottle for him, and we snuggled together as he enjoyed his morning milkies. I guess some things never change, no matter what the calendar says.

The Ileus Odyssey

2007-09-27T20:38:00.000-05:00

So Monday night was not a fun night for the Powers family.

Monday night was prefaced by Monday afternoon, where I broke my toe. I thought I broke my foot. It was a freak accident. I was getting out of the car to pump gas, and my legs were out of the car when Jack screeched from the backseat. I whipped around to see what was the matter and my toe caught on the concrete base of the gas pump. I heard/felt a "snap" like a little twig breaking underfoot. But it wasn't a twig, it was bone and it wasn't underfoot, it was in my foot. By the time I had completed pumping gas, putting weight on my foot was unbearable. It was 4:00. Hubby's train doesn't get in until nearly 6:00...that was a long time to wait to seek medical attention.

I crafted a makeshift ice pack splint out of socks from my gym bag. I had one of those instant ice packs in the Jeep. I bought them after Jack was born, thinking that now that I have a kid I should have ice packs because kids get hurt. Guess what? Mommies get hurt too! I wrapped a sock around the ice pack then laid it on my foot then wrapped the other sock around my entire foot, using my flip flop as a splint to keep the whole rig steady. It worked.

I picked up some dinner, then waited for Tim's train. And waited. And waited. When you are in pain, waiting two hours for a train to arrive feels like forever.

We went to hospital 1, where we were told it would be a minimum 2 hour wait. Wait 2 hours again? I think not. They recommended I head down the road to a doc in the box. Fine. I hobbled out and we went to the walk in clinic. Rather, for me it was a "wheel in clinic" because by the time I got there, I could put no weight on my foot at all and a very nice EMT rolled me into the building in a wheelchair.

After intake, x-rays, and an exam I was told I had a spiral fracture of the biggest bone in the pinkie toe. Who would have thought a pinkie toe could hurt this much? They did a maneuver that I think has the most adorable medical name ever, "buddy tape" where they taped the bad toe to its next door neighbor. Then they fitted me with a very fashionable immobilization shoe and gave me a copy of my films with the instructions to call an orthopedic surgeon in the morning, as my fracture may require a pin be set in it.

OH GREAT.

Oh, and no fun pills. They said to just take Advil. What a rip-off.

We finally arrived back home around 9:45. We were all exhausted, our puppies were hungry and doing the pee-pee dance. As I let the dogs out, Tim readied Jackson for bed. And then...

Jackson started vomiting. Not just any vomit, projectile GREEN vomit. Bile vomit. Just like he did before he needed his surgery. It was all I could do to keep myself from crying as I called our family doctor and had him paged. He called me back and said that he's seen a lot of this horrible stomach bug lately, but given Jack's history he would rather err on the side of caution. So we packed up the car again and jetted off the hospital #2. On the way there, Jackson vomited and choked on it. We pulled over and when Tim got to the car seat, he found the baby not breathing. SCARY! I do not recommend this.

Our welcoming at hospital #2 was way different than hospital #1. I hobbled in with the baby and someone quickly whisked us away in a wheelchair. I was asked, "Who's the patient?" and told them the baby, then we were rushed to Pediatric ER. We saw a nurse, explained Jack's history and symptoms and were then wheeled into an exam room. A doctor came in, I explained again Jackson's symptoms and past GI problems and the doctor agreed to order a CT scan and blood work immediately. While we waited for the nurse to come back to put in an IV and draw some blood, the billing girl came in. Yeah. That's right. They actually treated us first before asking if we had insurance. I was dumbfounded. I kept trying to give every new person who walked into the room my ID and insurance card, and they were like "Later, we'll get to that. The baby is more important." Of course, I agree and I was duly impressed.

Holding your baby down to have an IV put in his arm while he is vomiting is no fun. We all ended up covered in bile, it looked like we spilled a bottle of French's mustard all over us.

Blood tests were drawn and we did the CT scan. Tim ran home and got me some comfy clothes. I was certain it was Jack's GI problem again. Right before discharging us from the hospital after his surgery in December, the surgeon told us that it was rare but it could happen that Jackson's malrotation could reoccur and we would have to watch out for that. As I paced, Jackson passed out from exhaustion. It was now 2 am, and we were all tired.

The doctor returned to the room to tell us that Jack had slightly elevated white blood cells but the CT scan came back clean. No malrotation. I didn't believe it, but I was happy to be wrong. We were instructed to follow up with our family doctor the next day.

We left the ER and picked up some anti-nausea medicine at the 24 hour pharmacy. By the time we arrived home, it was 4 am and we all collapsed, exhausted, into bed. And then Jackson puked all over me, his new comforter, the sheets, his teddy bear...you name it. Lord have mercy.

In the morning, I called family doc and made an appointment for Jackson. We went in and he reviewed the ER's records and examined Jack and called it good. We loaded up the car to head home, and just as we exited the doctor's office parking lot my cell phone rang.

It was a doctor from the Pediatric ER. Seems another radiologist had reviewed the CT scan and he disagreed with the first radiologist's reading. Jackson didn't have a malrotation or an obstruction, but he does have an ileus which is basically a narrowing of the intestines and was most likely caused by scar tissue from his surgical repair. So basically, his bowel is not obstructed yet but it's an obstruction waiting to happen. A-ha! Somebody's Mommy Instincts were spot on again!

I have an appointment with our original Pediatric Surgeon, whom we love, next week to review the CT scan and give us his input.

Until then, Mooseapalooza, Jackson's first birthday party, will go on unabated. I have ordered a giant, fantastic cake from my favorite bakery. It is half banana cake with chocolate whipped cream filling and half carrot cake with cream cheese filling. Decorated with moose. I'm having a moon bounce brought in tomorrow after my poo guy and hot lawn boys service the yard, and my fridge is barely able to shut with all the party goodies. Tomorrow I have to pick up the balloons, the beer and margarita stuff (yum!) and then Saturday morning the rented tables and chairs come. As long as I don't forget the ice for the coolers, we'll be good...I'll post pictures of our extravaganza! I'm taking the party down a notch and not doing as many homemade goodies as I had originally planned, because I have to stay off my feet. But it is still going to be a great time!

I'm bummed I won't be able to play in the moon bounce though. It is a giant inflatable monster truck - how fun!

Pickin' and a'grinnin'

2007-09-26T15:09:00.000-05:00

Sunday - it was my wonderful, amazing, cute, sweet hubby's 36th birthday! To celebrate, we began a daily aspirin regimen (ha ha) and took a family trip out to Kuiper's Family Farm for apple pickin'.

Moose's First Apple

Hayride on Mommy's Lap

Mommy Picking Apples

I didn't think it would effect me this way

2007-09-21T14:59:00.000-05:00

I have just pulled the very last 3 oz. bag of frozen donor milk out of the deep freeze for Jackson. Our goal was to give him mother's milk until he was 1, and his birthday is next Friday (can you believe that ish? where did the time go?).

I really didn't think I would feel such a flood of emotions like I do right now. My heart is heavy with the knowledge that my baby boy will soon no longer be viewed as an "infant" but as a "toddler". I feel like I have to grieve for the passing of his babyhood. I feel like I have to let go of it, and it's sad and painful.

He has already had his 1 year checkup, at our new pediatrician. We switched to Homefirst (the pro-breastfeeding, anti-vax, pro-homebirth wacky zany ultra natural family living practice) and as I told the doctor all of Jackson's health challenges he just looked at The Moose in disbelief and said repeatedly, "This baby?" Like he couldn't imagine my healthy, hearty little Moose ever being small or frail or ill.

Oh, but I remember it. I remember it well. I remember every freaking heartbreaking moment of the first three months of his life that were stolen from us. I feel the anger rising in me afresh. I feel like I got ripped off. I want three happy, cuddly months of newborn bliss back! Instead I got three months of hospital stays and a baby who couldn't stop crying because he was in such severe pain, and doctors telling me how my baby wasn't sick until a test finally showed he was ill with a life threatening condition which required immediate surgical intervention.

I got such the bum deal on the babymoon.

My last bag of milk sits defrosting on my counter, and as it slowly transforms from ice back to liquid I feel Jackson's babyhood melting away...

...my heart hurts.

Love Thursday

2007-09-20T08:45:00.000-05:00

This week, on Love Thursday I love....WEDNESDAY!

Yesterday was a rock star day. Let me tell you about it.

I arose around 7 to get my day started. I decided that while it was not a work out day, I still needed a shower so after dropping Hubby off at the train, I would start my day with perhaps a little swim and then a soak in the hot tub at the gym, and then take a nice hot shower. I guess a big love for me this week is GYM DAYCARE. I get 2 hours of complimentary day care service every day with my membership. This is making it much easier to work out every other day (and Jackson is in baby swimmy classes on Saturday mornings, so fun!).

So after delivering Hubby to the train station, I stopped and got a latte and my favorite breakfast (McD's Egg McMuffin, no canadian bacon, scrambled eggs instead of poached, extra cheese with a pinch of salt and pepper) and then headed to the gym. I dropped off Jackson with his now favorite day care teacher and proceeded to take a leisurely soak in the hot tub (all the lanes were full in the pool) then a nice, long hot shower. I shaved my legs, deep conditioned my hair, dried off, lotioned, then dressed, applied makeup, blow dried and perfumed. Then I picked the baby up out of daycare, where he was having a fabulous time playing.

After the gym, Jackson had a playdate with his friend John so on our way up there I stopped at Baker's Square for a pie to bring with us. Then we spent the day with John and his mom Christina who is awesome and sweet and fun. I taught her how to sew while the boys played. Super fun! We had pie and tea for a snack and then when lunchtime came we ordered a pizza and I had beer and pizza for lunch. Woo hoo!

As I was readying to leave our playdate, my brother called me. I hadn't heard from him in nearly a week and was unable to reach him otherwise, so I was so happy and relieved to talk to him briefly.

Then I got on my way to pick up Hubby at the train station after work, and my best friend from high school called me to let me know she was on her way over to share dinner with us and sleep over!

So we got home, my friend arrived, we ordered in a delicious dinner and watched Blades of Glory. Then after tucking Jackson in, dearest beloved friend and I sat up late and snacked on my stash of Just Tomatoes freeze dried fruits & veggies (which is WAY yummier than it sounds, trust me) and gabbed and gabbed in the guest room until way too late. Then I snuck across the hall, silently climbed into bed with Jackson and he rolled over to snuggle me. He's a sleep cuddler. I buried my nose into his precious curly head, which was still laced with the aroma of his lavender and chamomile scented bedtime bubble bath, and drifted off to sleep.

It was a nearly perfect day. I loved Wednesday!

Clutch

2007-09-17T11:07:00.000-05:00

For all my emotional sensitivity, it has somehow fallen upon me to be "clutch" in my family. Whenever something bad goes down, I somehow end up policing everybody else. I mediate disagreements, I tell people to breathe when they're hysterical, I keep the cool levelheadedness necessary while everybody else freaks. I organize things, I collate, I make events happen. I am clutch.

Here's the problem with being clutch. When you're clutch, you don't get to have your own babbling hysteria moments.

A bad thing that I knew was going to happen happened last week to my baby brother. It is awful, horrible and totally deserved. We all knew it was going to happen someday, and it happened. We are all now desperately worried about him. My mother has been reduced to a blathering idiot, and it has fallen upon me to keep her shit together. She calls me crying hysterically and I spend 5 minutes telling her to breathe in and breathe out. She called out of work last week to spend a day with me and Jackson, and I made her soup and grilled cheese (is there any more comforting comfort lunch food?) and took her shopping. I've been distracting and encouraging and showing strength.

The problem is, deep down, I am a blathering idiot too. I just can't fall into hysterics when anyone is looking. I wait until the sun goes down, and in the privacy of my bedroom with my husband holding me, I pray and sob and beg for God's comfort and my brother's safety.

Then the morning comes, and my mother rings me at 8 am crying on her way to work. I am clutch again, and I have to be strong for her when inside I feel so small and helpless. I'm starting to resent being the keep it togetherer of the family, and I'm starting to wonder how much longer I can fake strength and grace under pressure.

In completely unrelated news, I changed my hair again and it's a darker blonde now, nearly light brown. It came out a little too ashy and I don't like it. I may dump a warm glaze on it later in the week.

Fix You

2007-09-09T15:42:00.000-05:00

It's not every day you find yourself rocking out to Coldplay at church, yet that's just what we did.

The music directer changed a handful of words, and it was beautiful. If you hear it and imagine it's God speaking to you, it's lovely. He's the only one who can fix you anyways...

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I have died to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I have died to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will not remember your mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I have died to fix you.

Baby Boy Blues

2007-09-06T20:40:00.000-05:00

The time has come to upsize Jackson's cloth diaper wardrobe. When he was wee, I invested a pretty penny in size medium FuzziBunz, which are a pocket diaper. They have performed very well for us and I have never had a single blow out with them. They've been workhorses. It's time to say goodbye to them now since my little man's thighs are so chunky (12" around each, compared to his 18" waist!). I'm going into some size large BumGenius 2.0 all in one's. I'm very excited to be terminating my diaper-stuffing career. The pocket diaper idea is great for its flexibility but the extra step of stuffing the diaper drives me absolutely bonkers.

When I got Jack his Fuzzi's, I ordered all boy-friendly colors. Blues and greens were at the top of my list. Now I'm ordering the Bums and I'm wondering if I should get him a couple in "Blossom", more commonly referred to as "pink".

*GASP*

PINK FOR A BOY???

Yeah, why not? Jackson is secure in his gender identity. He LOOOOOOOVES the ladies. His favorite little girl is Lora from our playgroup. Lora is gorgeous like her mommy, with a long, lean physique and huge green eyes and long dark curls. Before leaving for playgroup, I ask Jack if he wants to go see Lora and his eyes light up like he just hit the jackpot.

Pink looks good with a baby blue shirt, too. (He frequently wears just a t-shirt and diaper at home).

Besides, I think there are some very important character traits and personal qualities associated with "pink" that wouldn't be so bad for my boy to learn: kindness and gentleness. It's great when a boy knows his way around a kitchen and laundry room. It's sexy when a boy knows art and music and how to sew on his own button. Most of these things are predominately "pink" or "girl" things, but I would be proud to teach my son how to be sweet, gentle, kind and self-sufficient as well as strong.

Yeah, he's going to rock the pink.

Baby's First Sushi

2007-09-01T15:51:00.000-05:00

We felt like celebrating last night, after dancing with glee over Debbie's new heart.

So we took Jackson out for his first sushi meal, he loved it!

Here's the Moose scarfing down some akami.

La Passion Du Coton

2007-09-01T15:48:00.001-05:00

We're just back from running errands, one of which was picking up my insulin refill. While waiting at the pharmacy, I remembered that I was out of little cotton pads that I use for applying my homemade witch hazel and tea tree oil toner. So I went in search of cotton pads, and found some on sale.

I pulled them off the shelf, and read the label to Tim: "Facial Cleansing Pads. For the Adventurous, Exotic, Sensuous, Free Spirited Woman."

Tim says, "Well, that's you to a T!"

So I got them.

I kid you not, that's what the bag says. Here's their website.

Feeling Pentecostal

2007-08-31T17:11:00.000-05:00

Now I get it. We would joke in church about the people raising the roof for Jesus. Jumping up and down with ants in their pants that makes them dance all the way to France.

I get it now.

It's been so long since I've seen it, I forgot how amazing it is.

God heard our prayer. God answered and God provided and all of a sudden all I want to do is tell everyone how He heard.

Debbie got a heart. Hold on, I have to type it again so it feels more real.

Debbie got a heart.

Are you hearing me? Do you understand?

DEBBIE GOT A HEART!

A donor heart that was a perfect match for her became "available" (translation: its former owner passed and was gracious enough to be an organ donor) this morning, it was flown in today and her heart transplant started at 2 pm.

If I had a mountain, I would run to its peak to shout at the top of my lungs and tell the whole world how amazing my God is. He gave her a new heart. I don't have a mountain, but I do have a blog so I'm telling you all here. God gave us a new heart!

Each night Tim and I would pray for the family of the person whose heart He was preparing for Debbie. Each night we begged for God to please send a heart so Debbie can live. So she can see her youngest son graduate from High School, and her oldest son graduate from college. He's in his senior year of Pre Med.

There are not words to adequately express how overwhelmed with gratitude and amazement I have been this afternoon. It's bittersweet. Organ donation is the most amazing, selfless gift.

Debbie got a heart. Debbie got a heart! Debbie got a heart!!!! Praise God for always taking care of us. Thank you, Lord for always hearing us and always answering in Your perfect timing.

Every night we also pray for my dear friend who is going through the worst storm in life. Her husband has betrayed her in the most awful way, and she is in the process of picking up the pieces of what's left and moving on. Babygirl, if God can give Debbie a new heart please rest assured that He can and will absolutely positively heal yours. Because one of the many names of our God is Jehovah-Jireh. The God that provides.

Love Thursday Spectacularrrrrrrr: I Think. A Poem of Teen "Love".

2007-08-30T16:43:00.000-05:00

For no reason today, the ode of undying love (ha!) that my high school boyfriend penned for me (allegedly, I would not be surprised if he didn't write it all) popped into my head today.

So in honor of Love Thursday, I shall share with you his epilogue of amore.

I Think

I think of you in the day,
When the sun is shining bright.
And I dream of you when I lie down
And fall asleep each night.

When I look at you, the earth stands still
My heart - it skips a beat.
I think you all day and night
And it makes my world complete.

I think you are a gift to me,
Sent from Heaven above.
I think that you're the greatest, and
I think that this is love.

--- Sir Jay T. Miller
a horny boy who thought this would get him some

The poem was presented to me written on a parchment scroll, which was tied with a red ribbon. He ceremoniously slipped off the ribbon, got down on one knee, read me the poem while gazing deep into my eyes and then pulled out a tiny little 1/4 carat diamond ring. It was like the Playskool version, My First Bling. It was a "promise ring", and the following week he left our little hamlet for college.

We ended up breaking up during his first break home from school. I distinctly remember taking his ring off and flinging it at his head in the middle of the woods. He was still paying it off, and it was lost for good. Boy, was he mad!

I don't remember what assholery shenanigans caused said diamond-flinging, but it must have been bad.

But I do remember his poem word for word.

I guess the pen is mightier than the sword. Or at least mightier than a small chip of diamond flung at your head.

And no, it didn't get him any. I know you're wondering. I'll bet that's what we were fighting about, come to think of it!

Kodak moments fly by way too fast for me to grab the camera!

2007-08-24T21:38:00.000-05:00

Jackson was just climbing on Katie (she was laying on her side). He stopped and put his mouth on her mid-tummy and kept kissing her. He'd bob up and down going "Mwah, mwah, mwah!"

It was the sweetest part of the day.

Worlds Apart

2007-08-24T11:56:00.000-05:00

What a journey the past two weeks have been. I've learned so much. I'm so grateful.

We decided to still continue on trying on churches to see if another one fit us better. I just wasn't feeling the Pentecostal thing.

We've been trying out this new "community church" that meets at the local high school. This is nice for us, because the high school is literally at the end of our street.

Church in a high school is odd. For one, it's really crowded. People like to mill around and chat, and it's like a traffic jam getting to the nursery. I really don't care for crowds, so that knocked off some popularity points right off the bat. Then the second Sunday we visited them, they moved the nursery to another wing of the building. I'm not a big fan of getting lost, so more negativity was festering once we finally sat down for the service.

They started out the service with some praise and worship, and then the served communion before the message.

I'm probably the only person in the world who likes them, but my favoritest band in the whole wide world is a Christian one called Jars of Clay. And as the ushers began dismissing us row by row to go take communion, one of my most beloved Jars songs began to play...

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

And as I sat and pondered everything the previous week held, it hit me. I needed a shakedown. I needed to be brought to my knees so forcefully and so helplessly that the only answer was God. It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day. So, so easy.

I was already broken, I just needed to surrender. I was trying so hard to not be terrified and to lean on my faith but it was so hard. It was then that I prayed, "Okay. I hear You. Whatever you want to happen, make it happen. If I need to be sick and maybe say goodbye to my husband and my son and You are taking everything away, that's okay. You can have it. It's all Yours anyway. Take it. Take my world apart."

And then I proceeded to live the longest week ever, as I waited for my test results to come in. I just got off the phone with my doctor's office. Everything shows "normal", but I am to monitor my lump and report any changes and if it's still there in two months we will do a needle biopsy.

Strangely, I have found peace with this lack of a diagnosis. It's not mine to worry about anymore.

No Gnus is Good Gnus

2007-08-16T13:44:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm back from my mammo and ultrasound. It all went uneventfully. The radiologist and sonographer didn't say they saw anything, so that's either very good or very, very bad. The sonographer said she was thinking swollen lymph node or a little clogged duct. Yay!

In case you're curious about what happens when you have a mammogram done, here is everything you need to know:

1) You cannot wear deodorant or perfume. Also, no stripper glitter if you are an Exotic Entertainer.

2) You must fill out a very detailed history of your maternal and paternal family legacy of cancer. Good times.

3) You're lead to an inner sanctum waiting area with a little changing room for you to disrobe from the waist up. You get one of those high fashion hospital "gowns". Put it on with the opening in front.

4) Then you wait in the inner sanctum waiting room.

5) They call your name and you are lead to the room with The Breast Vice 2000, aka The Squisher. The Squisher is your friend.

6) Ditch your modesty at the door people, because now it's time to release the puppies.

7) Your technician will then apply some sticky BB's to your nipples. They're like undersized pasties with a pinhead sized metal ball in the center. They show up on the image, they are used as markers on the film.

8) On The Squisher, there is a bottom tray (where the film goes in) and a top tray. The bottom tray moves up and down to adjust for your height. Once your Girl is situated on the bottom tray, the top tray adjusts downward to compress. The compression is uncomfortable. I will not lie to you. But it lasts a maximum of 10 seconds, while you hold your breath (so you don't move and blur the image) and the technician hides behind a lead curtain (while your brain is 6" away from the source of radiation - someone explain that to me?) while the image is zapped. Repeat on opposite titoni.

9) Then they adjust The Squisher to repeat the compression from a side view. This is just as uncomfortable as the first time. It never hurts any less. Then you switch sides and do the other lady lump's side view.

10) Put yer top back on. You're done.

My technician came in, started asking me questions about The Lump and then said "Oh I need more films" and left me all alone. To freak out. Thinking about nothing else but The Lump.

I panicked and I prayed and I cried and I told God I was so scared. That I needed Him. That I needed Him to comfort me. That I needed Him to show me He was there right with me in that room at that very second.

I opened my eyes, and right where my view lay on the wall, there was a small gold statuette of this:

Christ The Healer.

I look behind me and You're there, then up ahead and You're there too.

I will get a Radiologist's report in 3 to 5 business days, but until then I am okay.

I am okay, because Christ The Healer is here.

It's Lump

2007-08-15T11:37:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been singing my own bastardized version of POT USA's "Lump" in my head. It goes like this:

It's lump
It's lump
It's lump
It's in my breast
It's lump
It's lump
It's lump
I'm mighty stressed

Anyways, all jokes aside it has been a nightmare trying to find out what my mystery lump is. On Monday morning, I called my OB/Gyn and got in right away. She palpated around in there and sent me with a lab order for an ultrasound. I called to schedule the ultrasound and was told I could only have an ultrasound if I had a mammogram first. So then I called my doctor back and left a message with the nurses that I needed new orders drawn up to include the mammo. And I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Until about 20 hours later, I called and went T-Rex on their voicemail asking why I hadn't been called back, explaining that I could not live not knowing what this lump was that I needed a return call back immediately. I was nice about it, but I was firmly aggressive. Hey, a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.

So they called me back and then they set up the new order including the mammo and ultrasound. I then called scheduling back to book my exams and I was told their next available was...

...August 28th!

AW HALE NO!

I responded that I could not possibly wait that long, that this was not a regular scheduled mammo, it was due to a suspicious lump, that I have had masses removed before and that my maternal grandmother passed of breast cancer so I absolutely positively could NOT be asked to wait that long to have my tests done. She said that was the first available, they could only book me then and I said that was unacceptable. I was near tears when she finally said she would ask the radiologists if they could fit me into the schedule sooner and she would call me back later. That was late yesterday afternoon.

So early afternoon today, she finally called back and said they could "squeeze me in" (mental image: squeezed pancake boob + this verbiage = me cracking up over the phone to hospital person and her not getting why it was funny) tomorrow at 8:30. I need to be at the hospital, an hour's drive from here at 8 am. I am actively recruiting a sitter for The Moose if anyone is interested. I will have my mammo at 8:30 and my ultrasound at 10:30 and hopefully be on my way home by 11:30 to sit and wait on pins and needles and needles and pins until the radiologist's reports are complete.

In other news, this morning after dropping Tim off at the train station I decided I'd swing through the Dunkin' drive through for a small iced. After picking that up, I remembered that I needed to have some blood work drawn at the hospital (routine diabetes stuff, nothing exciting) so I determined I'd have my coffee at the ready for after my fasting blood work was drawn. So I headed downtown towards the hospital, and on my way there I ended up at a traffic light right next to my next door neighbor from the house I grew up in.

We loved them. Mark and Debbie were like surrogate parents to my brothers and I. We used to joke that we wanted to knock down the fence between our two houses and build an addition to merge our two houses together, and then we'd all live as one big family in one big long, house.

So there I am next to Mark's minivan and I honked and waved like a crazy lady. He gave me a half-assed wave and I could tell he didn't recognize me. I called my mother and asked if they moved down by me, or if she knew what they were doing here. Her answer was sobering.

Debbie has been having heart problems, and she was at the Heart Hospital for some tests. I thought maybe she had some arterial plaque and needed a stent or something minor. Oh, no. She had a pacemaker put in. She's about 50. The pacemaker wasn't working and things were getting dire. The Heart Hospital was attached to where I was going to get my labs, so after I went to the lab I found out what room Debbie was in and Jax and I went up to see her.

She only has 25% heart function right now, and she only has that because of the drugs she's on. Today she was put on the donor list, and they are hopeful that a donor heart will come through for her very soon. She will soon be transferred to the University of Chicago Medical Center downtown, where they will hopefully do a transplant.

She looked so frail. So tired. So pale. She said she didn't want a transplant, and that she was "just tired, and tired of being sick." I felt like she was telling me that she had already given up. I held her hand for an arterial blood gas draw, and I prayed with her and left, we're heading back in a little bit.

My heart hurts, and my mind is swirling with perspective and grief.

The lump has moved from my breast, to my throat.

I look behind me and you're there, then up ahead and you're there, too

2007-08-12T13:54:00.000-05:00

Psalm 139 was the focus of Sunday morning's worship service and it touched me, though I didn't know why. The message of God always being by our side and being the great Creator who knows us inside and out made me think of my dear friend who really needs God's comfort right now. Her marriage is going through a horrible trial, and my heart breaks for her pain.

To share the passage:

Psalm 139 (The Message)

1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.

I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can't take it all in!

7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you're there!
If I go underground, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings
to the far western horizon,
You'd find me in a minute—
you're already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I'm immersed in the light!"
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.

17-20 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
God, I'll never comprehend them!
I couldn't even begin to count them—
any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!

23-24 Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I'm about;
See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.

During worship, I reflected on how blessed and how lucky we are to always have God there to cover us, shield and protect us and heal our hearts with His comfort.

And then I returned home, and while laying Jackson down for a nap I decided to lay down myself. And while I was laying down, I took a minute to try to figure out why my right armpit felt weird.

And then I found it.

I have a lump, the size of a walnut.

A lump.

Again.

And all I could do was cry, and even though I knew God was preparing my heart for this discovery with the bible verses that spoke to my heart this morning I still cried.

And I cried and I cried and I cried and I prayed and I cried while I was praying.

All I can think of is who will take care of my baby if something happens to me and I can't. stop. crying.

I didn't sleep much last night. When I wasn't busy crying and feeling sorry for myself, I was praying, praying lots of things.

God, please heal me.
God, please comfort me.
God, I'm scared.
God, why did You let this happen to me? I'm trying so hard to honor You with my life.
God, please take care of my family.
God, why?
God, why?
God, why?

When Jackson wakes up in the middle of the night, I rub his back and "shhh shhh" him back to sleep. I needed God to shhh shhh me last night.

He wasn't there.

God, why?

Amor Jueves

2007-08-02T10:56:00.000-05:00

What an awesome week it has been!

1) Hubby got me hooked up in the living room. He plugged my laptop into our 50" plasma. Holy huge monitor, Batman! We went to Best Buy and got a wireless keyboard and mouse for me, but it kind of sucks so we just ordered a Bluetooth wireless keyboard and mouse set. The regular wireless doesn't have as much range as we'd like. Once the Bluetooth set comes in, it is going to be the bomb diggity!

2) Hubby also hooked up the surround sound properly in the living room. This means we can watch movies on the big TV with the full aural experience. We're so psyched about it, we're already planning a Super Bowl party! Woot!

3) Another bonus of the sweetass setup: I can now play my mp3's from my iTunes on my laptop through the surround sound. This makes housecleaning so much more fun!

4) I've been on the prowl for a nice area rug for the living room that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. I figure with babies and dogs, I probably shouldn't spend more than $100 because the rug will be destroyed pretty quickly. I found this super cute one at IKEA for $70. It has our current colors in it, but enough other colors that it will pretty much go with anything we throw down. It's a little more foofy than that which I would ordinarily choose but for $70, I wasn't going to fuss. Hoorah!

5) I'm still loving the H-E-double hockey sticks out of the Ecover dishwasher tablets. They are so seriously awesome! Oh, and did I mention I get them for wholesale through my co-op? *sings* It rocks!

6) I officially have a crawler. Jax has been jetting all over the house, he has also decided he wants to be a stair explorer. He's stinking fast on the stairs too. I have to check on him every 10 seconds, because if I wait 20 seconds he's already halfway up the stairs. This would be okay if he also knew how to get DOWN. Unfortunately, he thinks that if he just sits down, points his butt downwards and leans back he can get down. He hasn't mastered the idea of "gravity" yet! We decided to teach him how to do the stairs instead of just blocking them off. I mean, he has to learn how to do it sometime.

7) I love Jackson's CURLS! I've researched SkinDeep to find a safe hair product I can use to hold his curls with. I'm ordering him a tube of Kiss My Face Upper Management Hair Gel with my next co-op order. His curls are So. Stinking. Cute. Sometimes, I can hardly believe he's mine.

So...what are you loving today?

Reunited, and it feels so good!

2007-07-27T23:59:00.000-05:00

Tonight was night #1 of my high school class reunion 2 day event. More importantly to me, it was the dinner I had planned. It all went so well! It was so excited to see it all come together and everyone had such a lovely time.

It's so weird seeing all the boys I went to high school with all grown up though. They're all daddies and stuff. Together now, we are: missionaries, pastors, doctors, accountants, mommies, nurses, teachers, computer professionals, engineers, inventors, coaches...and I'm sure the list goes on. All in all, we turned out to be some pretty awesome kids. (Which we all knew 20 years ago!)

It's supremely cool to still be friends with and want to see the kids I knew 20 years ago. I'm so thankful that my parents decided to send me to a small, private, Christian school. I didn't see how valuable it was then. I went to high school with some of the highest quality individuals on the planet, I am sure of it. It rocked to see them again tonight!

Feed My Sheep

2007-07-26T23:23:00.000-05:00

We took the Moose out to his first volunteer activity tonight. When we were dating and newlyweds, we did a lot of volunteer stuff to help the homeless, the hungry, the huddled masses yearning to be free and whatnot. One of our early dates was cooking Thanksgiving dinner at a homeless shelter. Romantic, let me tell you. :) (Actually, that night was awesome, it was the first time hubby said the "L" word to me. The nice "L" word. Not the Showtime "L" word. Not that lesbians aren't nice, I'm sure they're...um...charming. Argh! HE SAID HE LOVED ME AND IT WAS AWESOME! Sheesh.)

*gracefully extricates self out of self-dug hole*

But since the baby came, volunteerism had somewhat fallen by the wayside, while still holding a strong place in our hearts.

Tonight there was a group meal packing activity at our church for Feed My Starving Children, a charity based out of Minneapolis. We, along with a lot of other volunteers, packed 27,000 meals in 2 hours! I wore Jackson on my back in the Ergo and he got his own hairnet. :) We would have taken photos, but we were kind of busy packing meals for starving children in Haiti.

We were the only fools who brought a baby to pack meals for the starving children of the world. Our idea was that we wanted Jackson to just be so used to giving to help the less fortunate that it's just part of life and not a special occasion. So we started him young, and we'll continue to bring him along so that giving back becomes just as normal and necessary to him as taking a bath or brushing his teeth.

The statistics on how many empoverished children die of starvation are absolutely staggering. Babies, just like yours and mine die every day because there is no food. It's heartbreaking. The work we did tonight will feed 74 kids for a year, they say. 74 Mooses. All I could do was hold my little boy and weep, while crying out prayers of thanks for everything we have.

Thank you, Father. Don't ever let me forget to thank You.

The Holy Grail

2007-07-24T10:52:00.000-05:00

I have been on the prowl for an earth-friendly automatic dishwasher detergent that works. The key words there are "that works". A lot of the "green" detergents don't clean very well or leave a skunky residue (and it doesn't matter if you use rinse aid, either!).

I was getting really frustrated, until I met Ecover Automatic Dishwashing Tablets. They actually cleaned BETTER than my old Cascade powder! Consumer Reports has even tested them all side by side and they agree. Unfortunately, I ended up trying every single other "green" dishwasher detergent on the market before finding this little gem. I was getting so angry, because I was having to wash a lot of stuff twice. And really, how ecological is it to waste all that water washing things two times?

I love, love, love! this stuff. I will not be going back to Cascade again! Suck it, phosphates!

SPECIAL EDITION: Love MONDAY!!!!

2007-07-23T15:07:00.000-05:00

I just got my co-op order, and I am soooo delighted in my haul.

1) Seventh Generation unbleached, 100% recycled, min. 80% PCW paper products. For those not in the know, PCW is Post Consumer Waste. Here's the problem - we all put our excess paper in the recycling like good citizens. Then it goes to the recyclery. However, manufacturers typically use virgin wood/paper before they would recycled so then our recycled paper that we did the right thing by sorting and recycling ends up being....WASTE! This is the ugly side of recycling that nobody talks about. What can you do about it? Switch to products that use recycled paper, specifically PCW paper. Yes, it's a wee bit more expensive but it's one of those things that I pony up the pennies for based on principle. It's a tiny thing we can all do to make a difference in the world we are leaving our babies. If not you, who?

2) Honeybee Gardens Water-Based Nail Enamel. I can now paint my piggies in the same room as Jackson. It doesn't smell, goes on smooth, dries quick as a wink and removes with rubbing alcohol. No stinky nail polish remover required either. (In Orbit Gum Girl Voice) Fabulous!

3) Rescue Remedy. I gave 2 drops to the Moose today during his mid-morning meltdown. It was like diffusing a ticking baby bomb. He went from 100 to 0 in 60 seconds. (Orbit Gum Girl Voice again) Fabulous!

4) gDiapers! I didn't get these through my co-op, but oh how I wish I could! I instead got a free sneak-peek sample at the redesigned pants and oh me oh my am I head over heels in LOVE with them!!!! The old pants leaked on Jackson, and I posted them for sale on the gDiapers Yahoo! Group. The actual owner/founder of gDiapers emailed me privately apologizing for the difficulties I was having with her product, and offered to let me test prototypes of the upcoming improved version. I was ticked at the problems I was having, but absolutely TICKLED that a company would take my needs seriously. A few versions and several months later, the new design is here and I give it phat mad props all around! Super comfy leg gussets, super soft and stretchy waistband, softer and more breathable cover, better snap in liner, sweet new color palette, even a cute new print on the inside of the cover! I LOVE THEM! I had the opportunity to meet the founder of gDiapers that I had been corresponding with via email, Kim, on Saturday at the LaLeche League International Conference. It was a big warm fuzzy to see the person behind the product. Kim says they are now working on the release of an updated flushable insert design - just when I didn't think gDiapers could get any better. I am happier than a clam to finally bid my occasional use of Pampers adieu in favor of a more eco-friendly product. (Orbit Girl Voice) FABULOUS!

T.G.F.C. Thank God For Coffee!

2007-07-23T10:25:00.001-05:00

Behold, the power of the bean...

I woke up so sleep-deprived and exhausted after a very bad baby night. 1 large Dunkin' iced later, I just semi-eloquently gave another interview to a newspaper regarding my activities and support for Republicans For Obama.

Jackson provided background music on his alligator xylophone. :)

I'm getting pretty good at these interviews, it's very exciting. I get so fired up when I talk about The Big O, I need a hit of my Rescue Remedy to bring myself down a notch. *pant pant pant*

Arboretum!

2007-07-23T10:02:00.001-05:00

Yesterday we met Jackson's BFF Josh and his parents and Grandma at the Morton Arboretum to take Josh's 1st birthday pictures. While there, we snapped a few shots of our little Moosie Man:

And the bland pasta last night soaked up the excess sodium well. Dinner was a big hit! :)

Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam!

2007-07-22T19:33:00.000-05:00

I'm making dinner (it's a barbequey tofu thing over whole wheat pasta - it sounded good in my head, now I'm questioning myself) when I decided to "kick it up a notch" and add some "Bam!"

So I pulled out my Emeril's Essence and proceeded to open out the "Dump Out The Entire Bottle" side on accident instead of opening the "Sprinkle Out A Little Bit" side.

There is a little bit too much "Bam!" in my dinner now. I'll bet my husband will still eat it. Happily. This is a big reason why I love him so much.

I am hoping the non-salting of my pasta water will result in blander pasta that will hide the salty sauce. I'll letcha know later. :)

things that make me go hmm...

Since I'm moving, I may as well move

Sometimes God gives you a sign. And sometimes, that sign is neon green. Also, green means GO.

Crabby Tuesday!

Lust Friday!

What's that you say? It's LOVE THURSDAY? Yippee!

a boy and his dog

Sometimes I wonder, whatchu goin to be - a doctor, a general, maybe an MC...

Hi, my name is Felicia and I'm addicted to

That John Mayer, he may be on to something...

My rock of love

We're casual dating whores

Why buy the cow and pay $7 a gallon for the milk when you can get it at White Hen for $2.49?

She bangs, she bangs...

The Army has a flat tire

You know it was a good vacation when...

Protection

*swoon* My Hero!

Vixen Hunter

Women are amazing...

Worth a thousand words...

An Open Letter, to the Cat in Heat in my backyard.

The deals mamas make

The Business of Being Born

Magic cleaning solution...

While the Cat's away, the Mouse will...

Reason #6,328,313 why I love cloth diapers

Reason #6,328,312 why I love cloth diapers

Made me LOLz

A week of temporary single motherhood

You say it's your birthday...

The Obamamobile is ready to rock and roll!

Si se puede

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter, raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise anotha

Apparently, he has things to say...

Put a fork in her, she's done!

It's A Beautiful Day...

Take The Pledge!

W00T!!!!!!11!!!

Pins and needles, needles and pins...

Scratch that last post. Except I did mean what I said. New post:

Primary Colors

Rêve de mon coeur

Doin' Coupon Chris proud...

Getting your just desserts...

Behold, the power of the faux Scandi. (Fandi?)

Love, on Its knees

No, Buffalo Bill. They don't sell that at JoAnn's.

WAY TO GO, IOWA!

Makin' my birthday list early...2008

300 miles/Sir Topham Hatt's Pimp Hand

Does this thing Clark?

The Story of Us: Part Three. Merging = Being Nice To People You Don't Know

The Story of Us: Part Two - Take 'em to the bridge!

The Story of Us: Part One. Where We Came From

Two

Snowflakes that fall on my nose and eyelashes...

In Your Eyes

An excellent, evil, awful idea

Rap Charts

Invisible Mom

The More You Know....

Me and Daughtry

Barack Obama's Address to the Jefferson Jackson Dinner - November 10, 2007

Love Thursday

First Steps!

News Flash!

Yum of the day: minted hot chocolate

(insert your name here) who?

The pinnacle of Mommy Guilt

Colbert '08

The Tooth Factory

Damn Straight! *preens*

Mooseapalooza Report

The party getting awesomer by the minute...

Moose Cake!

One

The Ileus Odyssey

Pickin' and a'grinnin'

I didn't think it would effect me this way

swoon My Hero!

Damn Straight! preens