Psalm 139 was the focus of Sunday morning's worship service and it touched me, though I didn't know why. The message of God always being by our side and being the great Creator who knows us inside and out made me think of my dear friend who really needs God's comfort right now. Her marriage is going through a horrible trial, and my heart breaks for her pain.
To share the passage:
Psalm 139 (The Message)
1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can't take it all in!
7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you're there!
If I go underground, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings
to the far western horizon,
You'd find me in a minute—
you're already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I'm immersed in the light!"
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.
13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.
17-20 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
God, I'll never comprehend them!
I couldn't even begin to count them—
any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
23-24 Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I'm about;
See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.
And then I found it.
I have a lump, the size of a walnut.
A lump.
Again.
And all I could do was cry, and even though I knew God was preparing my heart for this discovery with the bible verses that spoke to my heart this morning I still cried.
And I cried and I cried and I cried and I prayed and I cried while I was praying.
All I can think of is who will take care of my baby if something happens to me and I can't. stop. crying.
I didn't sleep much last night. When I wasn't busy crying and feeling sorry for myself, I was praying, praying lots of things.
God, please heal me.
God, please comfort me.
God, I'm scared.
God, why did You let this happen to me? I'm trying so hard to honor You with my life.
God, please take care of my family.
God, why?
God, why?
God, why?
When Jackson wakes up in the middle of the night, I rub his back and "shhh shhh" him back to sleep. I needed God to shhh shhh me last night.
He wasn't there.
God, why?
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can't take it all in!
7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you're there!
If I go underground, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings
to the far western horizon,
You'd find me in a minute—
you're already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I'm immersed in the light!"
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.
13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.
17-20 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
God, I'll never comprehend them!
I couldn't even begin to count them—
any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
23-24 Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I'm about;
See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.
During worship, I reflected on how blessed and how lucky we are to always have God there to cover us, shield and protect us and heal our hearts with His comfort.
And then I returned home, and while laying Jackson down for a nap I decided to lay down myself. And while I was laying down, I took a minute to try to figure out why my right armpit felt weird.And then I found it.
I have a lump, the size of a walnut.
A lump.
Again.
And all I could do was cry, and even though I knew God was preparing my heart for this discovery with the bible verses that spoke to my heart this morning I still cried.
And I cried and I cried and I cried and I prayed and I cried while I was praying.
All I can think of is who will take care of my baby if something happens to me and I can't. stop. crying.
I didn't sleep much last night. When I wasn't busy crying and feeling sorry for myself, I was praying, praying lots of things.
God, please heal me.
God, please comfort me.
God, I'm scared.
God, why did You let this happen to me? I'm trying so hard to honor You with my life.
God, please take care of my family.
God, why?
God, why?
God, why?
When Jackson wakes up in the middle of the night, I rub his back and "shhh shhh" him back to sleep. I needed God to shhh shhh me last night.
He wasn't there.
God, why?
6 Responses:
I have typed, deleted, re-typed a comment a million times...everything sounds so trite.
I am so sorry. I will pray for you and keep you in my thoughts. I can only say that I know you are going to be ok. I'm not sure why or how, but I know.
If you choose not to update your blog with the information, I need you to keep me updated.
(((((hugs)))))
Felicia I am so sorry. Know I will be thinking of you. I wish I could come and give you a real hug.
I will be praying!!
Oh honey!!! He is there...don't let the enemy whisper to you that He has abandoned you. I know it sounds corny, but I think God wanted me to show you this verse. It's 2 Chron 20: 15, 17...I've changed the names and situations...at HIS behest...see, I told you it sounded corny.
He said, "Listen, Felicia! Listen, all you people of the Powers household! This is what the LORD says: Do not be afraid! Don't be discouraged by this lump, for the battle is not yours, but God's. ... But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the LORD's victory. He is with you, O people of the Powers family. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out there tomorrow, for the LORD is with you!"
PLEASE keep me updated somehow...and I can't do much from here, but we will be praying.
Felicia, your post brought me to tears. I am going through a hard time with family life now and feel so alone and that there is no one to shh shh me either, or even just to give me a hug or take care of me in my exhaustion and loneliness.
Thank you for sharing Psalm 139. I committed it to memory several years ago when I was going through the lowest point of my life. And now, I am struggling hard and SO needed to be reminded of God's love and care for us as His children.
I am grieved to hear you found a lump. I am praying for you, that God will comfort, cradle, and soothe you just as you as a mother soothe your own child. God's comfort is like the comfort of a mother. There is a verse along those lines, but I can't remember that off the top of my head. I will look for it. Whenever you look at your precious child, know that God looks at you with the same kind of love, but so much more that it is beyond our human understanding. Rest well and may His peace comfort your heart...don't be afraid, He will carry you.
Psalm 55:22
Proverbs 19:23
I found it:
As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.
Isaiah 66:13
Post a Comment