Sometimes I wonder, whatchu goin to be - a doctor, a general, maybe an MC...

I love being a stay at home mom. I love spending all day with Jackson, and getting to know him. He is the most amazing person. He's grown into this charismatic, charming little guy. He knows just how to greet you with a darling "Hi!" that melts your heart. And it doesn't matter what he's doing at the time, it could be the most naughty and mischievous thing. But he pours on the charm, and with his coy little smile you completely forget about reprimanding him and just want to hug him.

I'll bet Bill Clinton was like that as a child.

All this makes me wonder who Jackson will grow up to be. We purposefully gave him a very strong, BAMFy name. Jackson Powers. The only name stronger is Shaft. Even at his baby dedication, our pastor held him and said, "He's going to be somebody important, I can feel it."

So who will he be when he grows up? I have no idea. But I think he's on the right track towards becoming a very handsome, sweet, kind, genuinely charming man.

Anything but a politician. That's all I ask.

Hi, my name is Felicia and I'm addicted to

dying my hair funky colors. The purple was fading to a blue-gray (think the nice old lady down the block blue-gray) so it was time to do something. So something was done. Fun pinky-red bangs ensued:



I kind of love it. :)

That John Mayer, he may be on to something...

"Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put ‘em in quotations"

So says John Mayer's song, "Say", which I am totally downloading onto my mp3 player later today. At different moments in time, there have been songs in the background that mark those moments as aural memories. "Say" is one of them, and yesterday I got to say what I needed to say.

You probably remember last Easter, when I made a decision in church and blogged about it. I decided to try, as best I could, to extend my mother the same grace and forgiveness that God gives us. This hasn't been easy, my friends! In the back of my head, I always thought that there would come a day, that despite my forgiving her (without her asking), that I would need to confront her about all the things that had fed my bitterness against her for so many years. There would be a day of reckoning, I told myself.

"Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead
If you could only
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say"

And slowly as days melted into months, my desire for a full-on confrontation waned. I decided that she didn't have to answer to me, she had to answer to God. Answering to me was petty compared to that.

And then Yesterday happened. It started like a hundred normal days before it, I went grocery shopping and was on my way home when she called. The conversation evolved and before I knew it, we had reached a point where I could say it - say it all. And she invited me to do so. In a completely non-confrontational manner, the floodgates were opened and there was no turning back.

"Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again"

I would say "it was on like Donkey Kong", mostly because that phrase cracks me up - but honestly, it wasn't like that. It was just me, saying how I felt and it was just her, listening. I think that I owed it to myself to say it, and she owed it to me to listen. In the end, she admitted that everything I said was true, and in between sobs, asked me to forgive her. I said I've been working on it.

My heart feels a million times lighter this morning. Saying what I needed to say was healing and validating.

I can't believe that I'm the only one who has carried a heavy heart over many years without ever having the purifying soul purging necessary to clear the air and settle things. If you suffer from this too, I hope some day you also have a Divinely provided moment to gently but firmly, say what you need to say. And if you don't or can't, I welcome you to say what you need to say here - lay your burden down, once and for all.

"Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say"

My rock of love

Went to BDubs for dinner tonight - Tim decided to apply the Kiddie Menu temporary tattoos to his neck, a la Daisy. (He's a dork, but he's my dork and I love him).

We're casual dating whores

Our contract with our wireless provider has expired. Oddly enough, recently both of our phones died untimely deaths. Could it be that the lifespan of equipment is built so the equipment expires just in time for you to renew your vows to your wireless company?

Luckily for us, we have the insurance on our phones. We're both PDA people. I'm a Treo girl and Tim wields a Pocket PC. Our phones would cost us $600 a piece to replace out of pocket without a new contract discount. We thought the insurance would be a smart move. :)

So we called and asked for help with our phones-turned-bricks and lo and behold, our phones aren't made anymore! We are obsolete, technology has passed us by. The only replacement available to us was...a free upgrade. Woe is me. Ha ha!

So now we eagerly await receipt of our new phones (a 755P for me and Mogul/6800 for Tim) and don't really know what to do about our contract. It seems that for the time being, we can enjoy our really great contract pricing that has gone up since 2 years ago on a month to month basis with brand new phones. We don't have to get married to a wireless company, we can kind of casually date around and go from store to store just to see what's out there. If we find something that seems like a BBD (bigger, better deal) than what we have now, we can walk away from...oh, I won't want to name names so we'll just call our wireless carrier Berizon. If we see something that looks better, we can drop Berizon like a hot potato. It's like being a free agent, or being single again.

So, other wireless carriers, it's time to sex it up a bit and seduce me with an offer I can't refuse. Something along the lines of 1500 minutes family plan for $70 sounds good. Throw in a reasonably priced data plan at lightening fast broadband speeds and I'm ready to enter into a long term relationship with you.

But only for 2 years.

Why buy the cow and pay $7 a gallon for the milk when you can get it at White Hen for $2.49?

We are now the proud shareholders in an Amish dairy herd in Middlebury, IN. Our shareholdership entitles us to buy fresh raw milk for our family. We couldn't be more excited!

Raw milk is SO much better for you than pasteurized milk. We made the switch last week and everybody in the house loves the new milk, Moose included.

Since it's Amish milk, it's organic but not certified because the farmers don't have the financial investment required to be certified. But these are people who sow their fields with those horse-drawn tiller things. They're not using chemicals on their land. The dairy cows roam free, grazing on fresh pasture each day.

Since dairy farming is not very profitable, we're supporting our farm with a fair price for the extra work required to keep the cows healthy and the farm clean to support safe raw milk. In turn, we get the extra nutrients in superior milk. It's a win/win situation for all!

She bangs, she bangs...

I got a quick little haircut while on vacation. All I needed was a little trim to keep everything looking fresh, I wasn't changing my style. Or so I thought...

When she got to my bangs, the stylist asked me if I'm growing them out or if I wanted them trimmed. Ah, the eternal question that has never been answered. I grow them out, hate them, cut them back, grow them out...the cycle perpetuates on forever. I said, I didn't know and asked what the "in" thing was with bangs? Are people wearing bangs? Are they going for a less bangy look? She said the in thing was long, sweepy bangs. I said, "I can rock long sweepy bangs. Do it." Ha ha. How cocky am I? *laughs at self*

It seems I actually CAN rock long sweepy bangs and furthermore, I rather like them. So then I decided to upgrade them by making them...purple. Well, according to the jar it's "Ultra-Violet" and to me it looks like it should be called "Marge Simpson".

Behold, the Margification of my new long sweepy bangs:




Me, trying to look fierce because I feel tough with my new punk rock hair. Remind me to start saving up for Botox if I insist on taking pictures using this facial expression, though.



The overall effect of new cut and new bangs with fun swipe of new color:


And no, I could not resist the temptation to go all matchy-matchy with my eyeliner today. I'll try again tomorrow but my everyday color is a shade of pruney plum anyways...today is Styli-Style Line & Seal in Tanzanite and it's nearly an exact match with the hair! So fun!

I'm just dying for someone to walk up to me and say, "Dude, you have purple hair!" I will give them my best ORLY? face.

The Army has a flat tire

Now that I'm home, I can blog about vacation goings-on. And I'll probably do this in reverse chronological order, because the stuff that happened last is the stuff freshest in my mind.

On the way home yesterday, we were driving through the expansive wasteland that is central Indiana when we came to a screeching halt. Literally. I thought we were going to get rear ended because when the speed limit is 70 and it's sunny and clear, nobody expects to have to stop in the middle of I-65.

As we rolled past the delay, I saw them. Servicemen and women, in camo, setting up flares around their convoy. One of their huge trucks had suffered a blow out and they were stranded on the side of the road.

Now I've always said that I support our troops but I do NOT support the war. I firmly believe that the two aren't mutually exclusive. I do love my country. I do, I really do. But I hate Bush and I hate the status quo and I hate political and corporate corruption. But I support our troops, with my whole heart I do and I know I could never be a military wife or serve myself. However, I didn't expect the deep visceral reaction I had when I saw the unit stranded. Tears sprang up in my eyes and all I could think was "Better here than Baghdad."

Yesterday, CNN.com reported more troops in Iraq dead and wounded. Everyday, some body's son or daughter or husband or wife or father or mother is hurt or killed...and for WHAT? Don't we have enough problems here in our own country to take care of? We can get on with policing the rest of the world when we get our own stuff straight and manage to perfect a Utopian society. Until then, bring the troops home. The Army has a flat tire - literally and metaphorically. It's time to change it.

You know it was a good vacation when...

...you get home and you're like "WHEW! I'm so glad to be back!" :D Which is exactly how we feel.

We took Moose and the Girls to Nana's beach house in Myrtle Beach, SC for a week and a half. Which is totally not my ideal vacation destination, but it's ocean front so who am I to complain? We frolicked in the ocean, ate calabash shrimp, took the girls to the ocean, saw a jellyfish, shopped, took Moose to a Japanese steakhouse and spent some time gloriously lazing about doing nothing. My favorite night? The one I spent on the deck with a glass of Pinot Grigio and an Acid Blue Blondie. Ahhh, life is good.

Photos are posted here on Facebook, with more forthcoming.