Father Knows Best, My Sweet Pooper! Mother knows best, and now everybody knows it.

Well, I predicted a broken ankle but instead it's a sprained wrist.

Back when Tim's Heelys arrived he was SO PSYCHED for them that he wanted to go walk the dogs with them. At night. Outside. I begged him not to, imploring him to stay safe. I enumerated multiple reasons why heeling at night for the first time with 150 lbs. of dogs was a bad idea.

1) it was night
2) that's a lot of dogs
3) he doesn't know how to do it yet

This escalated into me basically telling him, "No, I FORBID YOU to wear those for the first time ever outside at night to walk the dogs!" He was all whiny and claimed I would be one of those annoying overprotective mothers to Jackson. I got him some cheese to go along with his whine, and put my foot down (as firmly as possible, with the sprained ankle and all) and said NO.

Now keep in mind, this is MOMENTS after I hurt myself. I could barely walk, and Mr. Cheese For Brains wants to wear HEELYS at NIGHT to WALK THE DOGS. I'm thinking, "One cripple in the family is enough for me right now. We have a 3 month old baby to take care of and I don't need both of us out of commission, it's bad enough with me being injured." He's thinking "HEELYS HEELYS HEELYS HEELYS!"

You see where the conflict arose.

Yesterday morning, I called my multi-disciplinary medical practice (they have my family doctor, massage therapy, physical therapy, chiropractic, mental therapy, personal trainers and acupuncture, all under one roof) and BEGGED for an acupuncture appointment.

I could have tolerated the cold alone. I could have handled the hurt ankle by itself. But combine the two and I just wanted to die. I couldn't walk and I couldn't breathe. I had to sneeze but I couldn't hobble to the Kleenex box. I sometimes stuff things in my bra so I don't lose them. Like Jackson's binkies. I'll cram one of those in between my sweater muffins so I always have one close at hand. I never have to run to hunt one down, and it's not left out on the coffee table for dogs to chaw on. Anyways, the point is, I'm a 36DD and I was stuffing my bra with tissues just so I'd have some on hand when I got that annoying running tickly nose. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. The snot tickles your nose so bad it nearly hurts and if you don't wipe it off you will go insane. Everybody's had tickly nose.

Anyways, so I scored a last minute cancellation with my Acupuncturist, who just also happens to be my Chiropractor. The man is a true healer. He fixes me. I am in awe of him. So I go see Mr. Magic Doctor Man and say "Please put needles in my face!" So you can imagine how much pain I must have been in to beg for that! He notices my 50 Cent-like limp and asks what's going on. So I tell him and in addition to doing the acupuncture for sinus, he also does some points for muscular stuff on my leg. Allright! (read that in a Matthew McConaughey Southern drawl, much more effective. It sounds more like "Awwwwlright" the way I 'm thinking it.)

20 minutes later, my needles are removed and *POOF!* I can breathe again. And I can walk without considerable pain. (For those who have not tried acupuncture, I highly recommend it. Once you get over the mental hurdle of having needles stuck in you, it's a cakewalk. You don't even feel the needles 90% of the time and if you do it just feels like a little mosquito bite. Don't ask me how it works, it just does.)

So since I have been healed like an old lady jumping out of her wheelchair on Benny Hinn ("In the name of Jeeeeeeeesussssssss!"), I'm off to the races. I have so much to catch up on! Prescriptions to pick up at CVS, a Bebe Pod chair to buy at Babies R Us and gDiaper flushables to snag from Whole Paycheck. I dropped Tim off at home (he had driven me to the doctor since it was my driving leg that was injured) so he could get back to work, and Jackson and I took off for Errandville, Population: Us.

I run all my errands then stop to gas up and wash the Jeep, and head home. When I got home, I see Tim walking up with the dogs. In his Heelys. Holding his wrist.

I TOLD HIM SO! But just when my back was turned and Mommy wasn't around to yell at him, he went and rode those Stupid Shoes to walk the dogs. Son of a B! I'm sorry for using such harsh letters.

We schlep in my purchases, the baby, the dogs, my durse. I fetch him some ice, aleve and water. I could kill him! Thank God I am once again ambulatory, because if I weren't....oh man, if I weren't he would be in so much trouble!

Ordinarily I have great compassion for the injured. When it's caused by an accident, that is. Not when it's caused by stupidity and bullheadedness!

So now I am stuck caring for 2 babies. One whiny one and one that needs diaper changes (guess which is which?).

We get in the car to go get a wrist brace, pick up a pizza for dinner (which I now refer to as "peepa", thanks Andrew! [Like he can read this...anyways....]) and a movie at Blockbuster.

By the way, let me interrupt this blog post for a mini-commercial for Blockbuster Online. If you use Netflix, you're getting ripped off. Switch to BBO and get movies by mail that you can exchange in store for ANYTHING (new releases or games!). You can also mail them back. In either case, when you return to the store or in the mail, they mail out the next movie in your queue. So if you return to the store, you actually get double the movies! Super awesome deal, tell your friends. I just did.

Anyways, so we go to the car and I say "I feel it is in our family's best interests that I drive. For safety reasons." He says "I can drive!" I'm all "Yeah, right".

So we get in the car and Cheese For Brains can't do his seatbelt. Because he can't bend his wrist that way without being in excruciating pain. So I do his seatbelt. Like I said...2 babies!

We got him a wrist brace support thingy, got dinner and our movie (Little Miss Sunshine, haven't finished it yet but so far I'm enjoying it a great deal) and headed home. All night long he is a whiny B. Ow it hurts to hold pizza. Ow I can't hold the baby. Ow I'm trying to do dishes but I can't unscrew the bottles. Ow ow ow. I'm surprised I didn't have to hold his dick to help him pee.

I am officially exhausted.

And as soon as my doctor's office opens on Monday, I'm making an appointment for Cheese For Brains to get in for some acupuncture. I don't care if he's afraid of needles! He should be afraid of me killing him for being such a whiny B.

Again, I'm sorry to use such harsh letters. :)