Finding a good doctor feels like the sun rising in your heart

After my last post, I began searching for a new doctor in earnest. I called the two references I had gotten...one I couldn't get through, the line was constantly busy. I decided that if I were to get through to that doctor and if he would take me, I wouldn't want him. Because when I go into labor, I don't want to have to sit and hit redial over & over again because he's too cheap to add additional phone lines. So I called the other doctor that had been recommended to me, and she doesn't take new OB patients over 28 weeks. FANTASTICAL.

So I went to my insurance company's website and looked up a list of participating providers and began scrolling through that. I was hoping a name would ring a bell from something a friend had mentioned, or something. My eyes fell upon an entry, who I'll dub here Dr. Y, and the name sounded familiar. I didn't know why it sounded familiar, so I Googled Dr. Y's full name. I found her website and read up on her and her practice. She's actually a D.O., which appealed to me since an Osteopath would be more holistically-inclined than a straight M.D. She also has 10+ years of experience in treating diabetic and high risk pregnancies. She sounded like a good match. So I called her practice, bracing myself to get turned down again because nobody wants a 30 week diabetic new OB patient. Au contraire! Her receptionist was wonderful and helpful and sweet. I told her why I was moving practices (the Reader's Digest version) and that I needed someone with experience in high risk diabetic pregnancies. She booked me their next available appointment with Dr. Y, which was this past Saturday and faxed me all my new patient intake paperwork so I could fill it out before coming in. Verily, verily I say unto thee: I was impressed, to say the least. I still didn't want to pin all my hopes and dreams on this being The Doctor for me.

Friday I went in and picked up a copy of my records after negotiating with the Office Manager of the old practice. They wanted to charge me in the neighborhood of $50 to copy my records. I felt that was grossly unfair, since their lack of professional bedside manner and incompetent medical care had given me no choice but to find another doctor. I never said things like "I feel like calling a lawyer" but I'm pretty sure the Office Manager decided to give me whatever I wanted because after I mentioned the words "negligent medical care" and "sexual harrassment" she feared litigation in her near future. So I think her angle was "make the woman happy, maybe she'll go away". Which was my plan all along...so I just got my copy of my records and ran. It felt like a moment of clear, perfect, liberating freedom walking out of that office with my records in my hands. Never again do I have to deal with those asshats again. Hoorah!

Saturday morning came, and hubby and I headed to our appointment with Dr. Y. Sometime between 1 am Friday night and when we arose Saturday morning, it occurred to me that this was the only copy of my records I had, and I shouldn't give them to Dr. Y because what if she wasn't The One? So I felt like a royal jerk when I walked in with my records and said "I have this copy I brought and you can review them, but I don't want to give them away just yet because it's the only copy I have and I'd like to make a Xerox for my own records." Dr. Y's incredibly nice receptionist made a copy for me. They were all so nice there. The receptionist was just such a darling, sweet girl. The nurse was experienced and professional. Dr. Y was like, no she just is...my dream doctor. She said she was so surprised to hear the problems I had been having about not being treated as a diabetic patient since maternal diabetes is so high risk. She was even more shocked when I hinted at some of the other problems I had at the old doctor, like the 'boob check' incident and the Hour From Hell with the sonographer. I think she almost felt sorry for us!

She told us about her experience and her practice's philosophy. I told her about my so far pretty uneventful, well-controlled diabetic pregnancy and what we wanted out of our birth experience (to avoid as many medical interventions as we can, hopefully go into labor naturally, so long as Jackson's or my own well being isn't at risk). She provided her feedback on our goals (she's happy to work with us to achieve everything on our Birthplan Wishlist, but asks that we stay a little flexible just in case everything doesn't go according to plan...which I have no problem with). Then she reviewed my records from the old doctor with us and asked if she could do a quick ultrasound to check on the baby and my amniotic fluid since my Level 2 ultrasound showed I may have a little extra fluid than necessary. She measured my belly, which she said was measuring perfectly for the baby's gestational age and did a quick ultrasound. Jackson's already in there head down, ready to make his grand entrance...which was really exciting to see. We saw him practicing flexing his lungs with some practice breaths. All very good signs. His heartbeat was perfect, he was his usual active & wiggly self. Dr. Y said it all looked good. She has 2 Certified Nurse Midwives and 1 OB in her practice, but she handles all the high risk cases. So when I go into labor, SHE is my doctor. No lottery or drawing straws or whoever is on the schedule that day. I get Dr. Y. I love that.

She made us feel so comfortable. She listened to our concerns and responded. She took our wishes into consideration and explained different scenarios that might come up that may require her veering a little from our primary plan. She was open, honest, friendly and kind with a gentle compassion that...well, that you just can't get from a man. Hubby and I both immediately felt confident that we were in capable hands.

I then had to spend the rest of the weekend trying not to mentally beat myself up for taking so long to choose to change practices. I felt so bad for putting Tim & I through so many weeks of stress & tension for nothing. I wish I had made the choice to leave Dr. Boob Check's office so much sooner. I wish we had found Dr. Y months ago. But what's done is done and I can't take any of it back now. For now, we just have to be grateful for the good fortune we have in finding such a wonderful practioner that we can trust fully with the upcoming birth of our first child.

I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to get from there - that place of stress and tension and feeling unhappy - to here - where I feel thankful and relaxed and excited for my son's birth. But then again, in life that seems to a recurring theme for me. I wish I hadn't taken so long to find Tim, but it took me a very long 30 years. Oh well. What else can I do but just rejoice in my current blessings? No point in beating myself up over past bad choices.