MOMMIES: A Call To Action!

WARNING:
The following blog entry contains adult language, violence, human rights violations
*and* Samuel L. Jackson.
Reader discretion is advised.

I'm writing from lovely, scenic Mt. Laurel, New Jersey this morning. The skies are blue and clear and the air is insanely cold. Like it-hurts-your-lungs-to-breathe-it-cold. But still, it's about 20 degrees warmer than the bitter, windy cold we left behind in Chicago so huzzah!

In other news, Jackson rolled over today. It wasn't a full, do it yourselfer roll, he had his chest supported on a pillow on the hotel room bed during tummy time, and he just *floop* rolled himself onto his back by pushing up on his left arm and knee at the same time. I suspect this will become a new favorite past time - look out! :)

Yesterday was our first time flying with our 4 month old son. Baby needed his own suitcase! Between clothes, bibs, diapers, bottles, formula, pacifiers, toiletries, baby jackets and hats...it was a very full suitcase! I also packed my diaperbag (formerly referred to as my "durse", it is now my "dackpack" as I have found that while not incredibly stylish, a backpack makes a FAB diaperbag) to the BRIM with diapers, burpcloths, more formula and more bottles. Of water.

I had 4 bottles of sterile water to mix with Jackson's formula. As we all know, Jackson is recovering from serious GI surgery. I don't feel quite comfortable yet using tap or even bottled spring water for his bottles because I'm concerned about introducing unknown elements to his delicate GI tract, so all the water I use for him is distilled and sterilized.

The TSA took my baby water. They would not allow me to have it even though I had:

A baby
A car seat
A stroller
A baby bjorn
Diapers
Formula Powder
Pacifiers
Burp Cloths
A nasal aspirator...

And the list could go on forever, but the point is that all the evidence was there that THIS WATER WAS FOR THE BABY'S MILK but they took it away. I was ready to throw down. I am not usually a rabid bitch, but you fuck with my baby, you're fucking with me and I will fight you to the death over the health of my child. It's a good thing they don't allow knives in carry on luggage, for if they did, surely I would have cut a bitch. What angered me further is that according to the TSA Travel Safety Guidelines, you can have expressed breastmilk in a bottle, and you can have formula in a bottle and you can carry them on without question. However, carrying water AND formula powder is a NO NO. Oscar Mike Golf Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Bravo Bravo Quebec! (I will give a dollar to the first person who can tell me what that means.)

For those of you not familiar with the preparation, storage and feeding of commercial formulas let me debrief you. Once the powder is mixed with the water, it must be consumed within 1 hour or refrigerated or it will spoil. After 24 hours, the formula must be discarded for safety. The very kind, concerned and accommodating TSA Agents (Are you sensing the sarcasm here? Because I'm being TOTALLY sarcastic. They was bitches.) offered me the option of mixing the formula powder into the water at the checkpoint, and taking the mixed formula which would spoil in an hour since I don't have a CARRY ON REFRIGERATOR. (Can I check my refrigerator? What? There's a fee for luggage over 50 lbs.? Aw, shit.) The TSA Agent first asked me, "Why don't you just nurse?" and I know I'm hypersensitive to this but I could have sworn it was coupled with a snotty glare as she looked down her nose at me. To which I replied, "I can't nurse. I'm a breast cancer survivor and my milk ducts were cut during my surgery to remove my tumor." And I hope she felt like a gigantic asshole because SHE WAS.

Let's rewind. That isn't totally a lie. Four and a half years ago, I had surgery to remove a very suspicious hard lump in my right breast and then chose to undergo breast reconstruction and augmentation. The lump turned out to be benign but technically any overgrowth of cells anywhere is medically considered "cancer". It just wasn't a malignant tumor. But it was a tumor just the same, and the TSA Agent didn't need all the gory details, only the pertinent ones. I am loathe to play the Cancer Survivor Card but I've decided that any time anyone feels it is their right to give me grief for not nursing, I'm going to use it. I am going to make them feel just as shitty as they make me feel when they ask me why I don't breastfeed. I have multiple suspects in my lack of breastmilk mystery. It could have been my mass removal surgery. I suspect this because when I pumped, I always got more droplets from my left, non-surgeried boobie than I did my post-mass-removal boobie on the right. It still wasn't a "supply" but there was more on the left. It could be due to my augmentation, although plenty of women who have undergone a BA have nursed with no troubles. It could be because of my diabetes. Insulin is a hormone that sometimes jacks with the lactation hormonal response. It could have been because Jack was born on Thursday and I didn't get to see him until Saturday or start trying to nurse until Sunday. Like I said, multiple suspects. I don't know who to blame, so I struggle with blaming myself. Like that's healthy. Anyway...

So back to the security checkpoint with the Asshole TSA Agents. Who were ALL WOMEN, may I add. They say I can't take the water, but I can mix the formula and take that. I don't know what that says to you, but it says to me that these bitches knew the water was for the baby. Tim mixed up two of the four bottles and the TSA made him dump out the remaining water. I knew I would need one bottle for takeoff and maybe one for landing, so I wanted to have at least two. However, I didn't know how I was going to keep them cold to prevent spoiling and I knew I wouldn't need them until well after the 1 hour expiration time was up.

It was a miracle of God that as we passed a Hudson News, purveyor of overpriced snacks, candy and reading materials to all airports, I spied a clerk removing about a dozen bottles of water and Coke that had gotten too cold in the cooler and frozen. I said, "Is that bottle of water FROZEN?" in a tone of voice that sounded like I just hit the Lotto Big Game Jackpot. He said, "Yeah" in a tone of voice that sounded like in his head he was adding on "Crazy Lady" to the end of his reply. I said, "Can I have it?" He said "Yeah" in the Crazy Lady tone of voice again. So I bought a bottle of Dasani that was frozen solid and placed it in my dackpack betwixt the two mixed bottles. However, don't ask me how this is going to work on the way home because you also can't bring ice. So unless God magically provides another frozen solid bottle of water in the airport on the way home, I am el screwedo.
That's Spanish for "fucked over big time".

I was furious. I was livid. No, I take that back...I AM LIVID. My four month old son is not connected with Al Qaeda or the Taliban. He doesn't have any weapons of mass destruction (unless you count his #2 diapers, because those...hoo boy!). We don't know how to make a bomb with distilled sterile baby water. I actually don't know how to make any kind of bomb with anything. Urban legend says that if I put Mentos in a 2 liter of Coke, it will blow up but I haven't tried it.

THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS.

How does taking milk away from a baby serve to enforce National Security?

How does forcing a mother to choose to either feed her baby spoiled milk or starve him make our skies safe?

At this point in the story, hopefully you are as pissed off as I am about this. And you may ask, "What can I do?" Well, my friend, let me tell you what you can do.

Do what I just did and contact the TSA by calling 1-866-289-9673 toll-free or by writing them via email at TSA-ContactCenter@dhs.gov. For maximum impact, do both.

Tell them that denying parents the right to take a baby's water and formula powder onto a plane separately is a potential health hazard to infants.

Urge them to allow sterile water in baby bottles in carry on baggage when accompanied by the appropriate formula powder and of course, a baby. Obviously the person taking the water and formula is going to need it for the baby.

Tell them that it is a violation of a baby's basic human rights to deny them sustenance in the airport and on a plane. I mean, even Southwest hands out peanuts after the cattle call onto their Everybody Sits In Coach flights!

Tell them that refusing to accommodate an infant traveler's needs in this manner does NOTHING to provide security or ensure safety on our airplanes.

Tell the TSA that the carry on liquids rule needs to be amended to accommodate all the precious tiny travelers that need their bottles.

And then please tell all your friends to do the same, and to tell their friends. If enough people raise their voice about this gross injustice, we can make a change.

Jackson and all the other formula-fed babies of the world thank you.


Oh, and as promised...Samuel L. Jackson: