Goach Hunters

Hubby and I have taken up a new sport in the land of Naperville Housewives. You see, there are several key components involved in being a pretentious Naperville Housewife.

1) SUV. Preferably a status make. The Lexus SUV is popular. (Or as I call it, the "glorified Toyota".)

2) Stay at home wife/mom status. Work is for suckas. Of course, that makes all of our husbands suckas, but let's not talk about that.

3) A ring of no less than 2 carats.

4) If you are a Mommy, you must have a Bugaboo or Peg Perego stroller. BOB Revolutions are also acceptable if you are a jogger. Not an Aria, though (the cheap Peg). It must be the Pliko P3. YES, I have a P3 but I bought it for its awesomeness, I had no idea it was a "status" baby carriage. I find this whole idea of a status stroller laughable. What's even funnier about the whole Naperville Stroller Brigade is that they are MANY far more pricey luxury strollers out there, but for some reason they have decided that THESE are the must-have buggies.

5) Coach bag. Again, there are many more pricey (and better looking) bags out there, but the must-have bag here is a C-logo Coach. The lust for Coach is so strong in our little burg that there is a glut of what I call "Goach". A Goach bag is a Coach bag knock-off.

I find the heavy saturation of population of Goach bags absolutely hilarious. First of all, Coach bags aren't all that great! That logo is FUG. They are overpriced for the quality (the old leather bags used to be really great). Tim and I have become Goach Hunters, and we're so good now we can spot them from a block away! (For the record, my fall/winter bag that I just picked out last Friday is a Vera Bradley Miller bag in Cambridge.)

Here are some key Goach identifiers:

Funky color combinations. Most Coach is in normal, neutral color schemes aside from their zany patchwork bags, which give me a headache. The design is hideous, it looks like a purse having a seizure. And then once you figure out you just paid $200 for a bag made from the selvages and scraps off the production room floor, you will probably have a seizure too!

The "G" instead of the "C" for a logo.

A fully serif or sans serif "C" for a logo. The true Coach logo "C" is serif on the top, and sans serif on the bottom. I submit for your review, Exhibit A.

There. Now all of you can come to my town and join me in Goach Hunting. And you know the bitches with the fake bags are probably also wearing cubic zirconium.