Puff Mommy and Fitty Cent - that's us

I'm so swollen, my swollen is swollen.

My toes used to be long and slender. My ex husband used to call me Monkey Feet, because my toes were so long and thin I could use them as fingers. Sadly, I am Monkey Feet no more. My toes look like Vienna Sausages now. My feet are so puffy, the only shoes that fit me comfortably are my Crocs and my Reefs. So sad. So, so sad. My fingers are so swollen, my beautiful beloved wedding rings have taken up residence in my jewelry box, gathering dust. That's right, kids. 3.25 cts of D in color, internally flawless gorgeous sparklies just sitting in my jewelry box. :( You know what I'm wearing right now as a wedding ring? I'm wearing Tim's old wedding band from when he was married to his first wife. It's like a size 9 1/2 or some tomfoolery like that. For these reasons, hubby has nicknamed me Puff Mommy.

Hubby has started experiencing an incredibly exciting phenomenon. He is the goose that lays the golden egg. Or rather, he is the man that shits quarters in his sleep. Two nights in a row now, he's woken up to find loose change underneath him. It's not like it's pocket change falling out either...he strips to his birthday suit across the room. So we have a naked man, who slides into bed completely nude, and wakes up with quarters under his ass. So I decided to start calling him Fitty Cent.

So that's us. We're rappers now. Puffy and Fitty. I'm off to go moisturize my situation - I need to preserve my sexy (see previous blog entitled "R.I.P.: My hotness". :D